


Life Dictionary

by Lolly



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Child Abuse, M/M, Sexual Content, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-21
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-01-16 11:57:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 22,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1346614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolly/pseuds/Lolly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Repost from ff.net. Harry Potter was abused. He has learnt to live with it. Severus Snape was a former Death Eater and a Potion Master. He has never forgotten. They met where new beginnings take place. After all the train station is where you start a new journey, isn't it? And maybe it was time to revise their life dictionaries. Slash HPSS, don't like, don't read.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A is for Abuse

**Author's Note:**

> That's my second attempt at writing a story in English. I am not a native speaker. Just study in English speaking country. I hope it is not too bad and I hope you'll like it. I will try to get better as the time passes by and I will have more practice and experience.
> 
> As I am and will be reposting my stories from ff.net, it will take some time. I will be also posting some new stories (to be judged by readers for continuance) and continue with the old ones. 
> 
> Disclaimer: Finally, I do not own any of the characters (well, besides original ones) and I do not make profit out of this story. It is for fun & fans only. Everything besides plot belongs to JKR. I am just a poor student, so don't sue me, please.
> 
> Kaldus
> 
> PS. But the way, this story is a way for me to learn alphabet. As I am not getting any younger it is time to do so.

_(In which the plot begins, Harry Potter is lonely and hurt at the King's Cross station and Severus Snape is going on a International Congress of Potions Masters in order to deliver a lecture about his newest invention. And no body is really happy. )_

He was laying on the bench at the King's Cross. As always. Every part of his body was aching. It hurt to be there again only after one week of holidays. Even if it was holidays. With no friends. Friends. They were all laying in the graves. Nothing spectacular. They were meant to be there. He had known it long before he realized his own fucked-up situation. Drug addicts could not stay alive. At least not long enough to be there with him.

He pulled out a cigarette and smoked. He had never taken drugs. He just couldn't. It would not be fair for those who sacrificed their lives for him, who believed in him. The point was to never disappoint them. Especially his parents and Dumbledore. He touched his cheeks. Shaving would do a lot of good to his looks.

Harry Potter, the Savior of the Wizarding World, was tired. After a night of work in magical docks, everybody would be. Most of the materials, Harry didn't even want to know, what was there, couldn't be moved with magic. The most desperate wizards went to this place, belonged to the black market, to make money in order to survive. It was the only place which homeless kids could find work. Paid knuts by the hour and was terribly hard, illegal and dangerous, but he did it too. Many times, when his uncle Vernon Dursley was ordering him to go away and not come back until… Until some day in the future. Sometimes he lived on the King's Cross just two days, but sometimes a week or more. And he always used his fists and belt to tell him that. The good point was that, by that time, everybody knew him. Even the bodyguards and the police. And nobody cared. Why should they? He was just another one boy thrown out of home.

King Cross was the place of new beginnings. Of starting a new journey. For most people. For him and for others like him it was their own. The small hell on the face of the Mother Earth. The end of the journey. The place called "I will". He sometimes observed all those people who hurried to catch a train to places he only heard about. They were so occupied with their new trip. So anxious or happy to try something, to see something. To find new opportunities.

One tear run down on his cheek. There were no opportunities for King Cross' kids.

The heroes don't cry. Harry didn't also. Only sometimes, during the sleepless, long nights on the King's Cross he allowed this one tear to go.

Severus Snape, the Hogwarts Professor, ex-Death Eater and spy in the Dark Lord's camp, one of the best Potions Master all over the world, was travelling. He really hated using muggle trains. However, it was the safest way. Especially after his betrayal had become public news. Thanks to the Dark Lord, of course. Severus nearly died during his escape from the Death Eaters meeting. Now he was only the second person on the Dark Lord's list "who-is-to-die-first".

His train stopped. It was finally London. He traveled under his own name. He doubted that the Dark Lord would search for him in a Muggle train. But Dumbledore insisted that he took some forgded documents.  _Just to be safe, Severus._  He got out of the train. It was eleven thirty and he had to buy the tickets to Paris. And the cigarettes. He had just run out of those and it would only make him more nervous during the journey. The Congress would not have started for the next 24 hours. He had even time for lunch.

Severus drove up on escalator. He followed the signs, which leaded to the ticket-office. Suddenly, he caught a familiar sight. He turned around and looked one more time. On one of the benches he saw an unexpected view. Harold James Potter. The boy was laying on it. His head and arm were bandaged with some filthy rags. He wore similar damaged, old clothes. They were much too big for him. The shirt looked like someone had to put a lot of effort to keep it from disintegrating. The picture was completed with a cigarette that Potter was smoking.

Once Severus Snape got over the shock and slowly walked towards the lying boy. When he got nearer, he noticed that Potter had a black eye and swollen lip. For nearly everybody he would look like he collided with some door. But not for Severus. He knew everything about fists, belt and other interesting things. There were the words that made his entire life dictionary for a long time.

"May I borrow a cigarette?" he asked.

The boy jumped up and put his hand into the pocket. This wasn't a normal movement for a teenager, no matter how stressed. Auror, Death Eater. Maybe. But not a teenager. Severus knew that Potter probably kept there his wand.

"Professor Snape" the boy sat up. Maybe not a boy after all. Maybe not at all. His eyes didn't look like the kid's ones. Not at all. He never noticed it before. Or maybe Potter was a better actor then he thought. Certainly, he never wore this kind of beaten, broken expression on his face. Anger was what he expected to see. Not a defeat.

"What are you doing here, Mr. Potter?"

"Sitting."

"That I can see. Really. Haven't you learned all those years, that I want the right answer."

"Nothing" muttered the boy, but Severus caught his arm quickly. Potter moaned and tried to free himself. Snape hardened the hold and ripped up one of the sleeves. There were scars and bruises on Potter's arm. Severus stepped back and freed Potter. Some of them were for sure made by the boy himself. Snape sat down.

"May I have finally this cigarette? I have run out of my own." Potter pulled out a packet and throw at him. Snape smoked. He was confused. It wasn't what he expected. Potter bent down and took a big object, which was lying under the bench. Snape looked. It was a guitar. The boy opened a antimacassar and pulled it out.

He touched the strings and moved them slowly.

"Who has done this to you?"

"No one. I fell from the stairs."

"You really think that I would believe such a lie?"

"I'm ok. Everything's fine."

"Potter…" he snarled and stood up violently.

"Is this man threatening you or something?" they both heard a voice on the right side of them. Severus turned around and saw a scrawny young man around twenty years old. His eyes were gleaming and his skin was unhealthy pale. Severus recognized instantly that he was addicted to drugs. In spite of this his blue lips were clasped with the anger.

"It's ok" Harry muttered. "He is just an old friend, Martin."

"I didn't know you had friends that wore things like that. A tie and a coat from Armani? Jeans from Dolce & Gabbana?" the man looked suspiciously. "Can I not believe?"

"He is my school teacher, all right?" Harry looked angrily. "Go away, Martin."

"I don't think that he is a professor. Teachers don't buy so expensive stuff."

"Just fuck off, before I will kick your ass again."

"You're an idiot. They don't care. No one does. Live with your illusions" he walked away.

"Has he done this to you?"

"No. Martin is just a drug addicted moron. He wanted to… well it doesn't matter" Severus sat down.

"Yes, it does."

"I won't talk about anything with you."

"Potter…"

"Can't you guess?"

"Your family."

"One hundred points to Slytherin."

"It's not funny."

"No. It's not. And?" he put his fingers again on the strings. "Only few things are funny. And rarely."

"Why?"

"Do they really need a reason?"

"No. They don't. At least not an important one."

"How often do you stay here?"

"It's not your fucking business, Snape."

"Whatever you may think, it is my business."

Potter kept being quiet for a while. Finally, he sighed in defeat.

"A lot. Four or five times a month. Every time for a couple of days. My uncle's sister is staying with them this week, so… I had to get lost. She hates me."

"Do you have another cigarette?" asked Severus.

"Yeah" the boy opened a packet and gave his professor one.

"Thank you." Snape was thinking. He couldn't drive Potter anywhere. He had only around two hours, before the train left. The apparition was banned since the events in the Ministry of Magic in June. As well as portkeys. But he would never trust Potter to go there alone. He didn't go before, he wouldn't go now. Severus sat silently. He put his bag on the floor. Suddenly, he remembered all his fake documents, his passports. The realization came to his mind. He had an invitation for two people. Potter had no clothes, but it wasn't a real problem. He could buy him whatever he needed. Money wasn't an issue. He was one of the best Potion Masters in the world. He made lots of money and never had time to spend them anyway. And changing the photo in one of the fake passports with magic wasn't exactly difficult. Probably Dumbledore will have his head after this, but it was better than let Potter sleep on the train station. And much less dangerous.

"Do you have your wand?" he asked Potter.

"Sure. I wouldn't go anywhere without it."

"Right. You're going with me" Snape stood up.

"What? I'm not. I have a work and everything…"

"You work." Not many people would employee a kid like Potter. Underfed, scruffy, unhealthy looking. They would report him in the muggle world almost straight away. "Where?"

"ndedoks"

"I haven't understood. Speak clearly" Snape ordered.

"In the docks."

"The magical docks?"

"Yes."

"I doubt that you are actually hired there."

"I'm not, but I'm working there, all right." Anger. At least some kind of a reaction. Better than this defeated look.

"You were working in the docks" corrected Severus. "Do you really have anything here that makes you stay?"

"No." Harry admitted after a second.

"Then come."

Harry gave up. He put the guitar back to the antimacassar and followed Snape to the ticket-office. He waited a few steps away, when his professor was buying the tickets and then cigarettes. He was a bit surprised, when they reached a small, desolate toilet. Severus pulled out some jeans and shirt from his bag.

"Take it and change. They gonna be too big, but I will fix it in a moment."

Potter looked at him.

"What are you waiting for?" the question wasn't polite at all.

Harry did as Snape told him. Both shirt and jeans were too long.

"I doubt that you're interested in the newest invention in Potions" muttered Severus, when he went out. Two quick wand's movement solved the problem with the clothes. Snape gave him his black Adidas. "Put this on. They should be about right size."

"Right. What about my clothes?"

"Throw them away."

"What?! They are my clothes."

"I'm going to buy new some new."

"Why?"

"You need to look good on the Congress."

"On the congress? What congress? Where are we going?"

"Paris. The International Congress of Potions Masters" Severus put a tie on the Potter's neck. Harry tried to touched it. "Don't move. I have to do it right."

"Why are you taking me with?" asked Potter.

"Because I won't leave you here. Also I have no time to deliver you to the Order of the Phoenix, not after banning all the apparition and portkeys. And I won't trust you to go there, if I leave you here."

"The Death Eaters have their ways to break those rules and not get caught."

"I'm not a Death Eater anymore. The Dark Lord would have had me immediately."

"I forgot about it."

"It's your new name. Don't lose this" Severus gave him a passport.

"Jacques Alexander Orwell? And I'm 22 years old?"

"Try to remember it, Jacques."

Harry nodded.

"Come on. I'm hungry."

They ate in silence. Potter cleaned up the plate.

"You want mine?" asked Snape, pushing his own into Harry's direction.

"Were you not hungry?"

"I'm not a teenager. I don't have to eat as much as you. And I have eaten my breakfast. Have you?"

"No."

"Eat it. We have a train in forty minutes."

A few minutes later the plate was clear. Snape paid and they stood up.

"Mr. Potter… Jacques. Have you gone anytime with… some people…?"

"Snape. What are you trying to suggest?"

"You know very well what I am asking about"

"You are trying to ask if I am a prostitute" Potter stood.

"Yes."

"Fuck no, Snape! I would have never done anything like that. I work. I am able to live on my own. And I don't want your pity or charity" he was absolutely furious. "Go to your fucking congress by yourself."

Snape grabbed his arm.

"Potter. I won't leave you here. It's dangerous. The Dark Lord..."

"Fuck Dark Lords, Snape. Take back your clothes and get lost."

"Potter. Look. You can't stay here. And I am responsible for you. I am your teacher. I can't leave a student to be homeless."

"Why not? I can take care of myself. I have been doing so, since I was six."

Snape paled.

"Since you were six." He repeated.

Harry understood that he said to much. His anger left him and the defeated look came back. They were silence for a few seconds.

"Severus" Snape finally said. He took Potter's arm and pulled him.

"What?"

"That's my name. Get used to it. You'll have to use it on the congress."

"Severus. As whom am I going there? As your lover?"

"As my partner, not lover. I wouldn't take a lover to such an important meeting."

Potter became silent, evidently shocked.

"Are you crazy?"

"Not at all, Jacques. Would you prefer to stay here?"

"Yes. No. I don't know."

"Come on. We can't be late for the train. And I will have to change those bandages."


	2. B is for Brother

_(In which Harry Potter sees first time in his life anything besides London and Hogwart, has nightmares, remembers his past, meets Mr. Jean Baptist Dumont, and sees the most expensive room during his life)_

Harold James Potter was sitting in the first-class compartment in front of Severus Snape. They were alone. His professor was changing his bandages. Harry assumed that he had the entire laboratory in his bag.

"I always liked trains. Well, I hadn't traveled much, but Hogwart Express was…"

"A journey to something better, right?"

"How do you know?"

"I worked in the docks. Long time ago."

"That's why you are taking me with? And it's not the full answer."

"Maybe. For both questions."

"It's not like that. I… got used to this. My life was easy. Before school. Before I was a hero. Later everything got fucked up... I'm going to sleep."

Severus nodded and put out of the back his notes. Harry closed the eyes. It was unbelievable. Something that he would never imagine. Severus Snape collected him from this fucking train station. Harry hated being there. And Snape didn't look like always. His skin was healthier and not so yellow. And hair. Harry assumed that his appearance during the school year was an effect of constant brewing.

King's Cross. His only real home. Probably. Most likely. Even more so than Hogwarts. He had lived there on and off for so many years. He knew it better than anything else. The place, from which was no escape. At all. The train station with no real aim of travel. Besides rather distant: 'Some day I will …'. The place, where so many people were only for a second, for him was a stagnation. With so much hope and love, King's Cross was also theirs end. For those, who hadn't managed, who couldn't to stay home or just hated it so much that it was easier to leave it. Buried alive among thousands of people.

Harry liked to observe people, trying to imagine that he was one of them, staying and waiting for his time. For the departure of his… He didn't even know where he would go. 'Some day I will…' was a slogan of a homeless with no real perspectives. It was something that Mike had thought Harry. Dreaming keeps you alive and sane enough to survive. Dreaming gives you power to change your destiny. Mike dreamed all his life. He got nothing. The Death had crept to him on one cold night. She had caught him alone and stoned. Mike was his first teacher. His first friend.

Harry's mind drifted to Hogwarts. Hermione and Ron. They hadn't had the slightest idea about life. Book and Quidditch was all they were. Sometimes it pissed him off so much. Their letters about Black… Who cared about Black? He was dead. Dead like so many others. Dead like Mike. And if Harry could choose, who would be with him, he would always choose Mike. And if it weren't for the idiots that insisted on going with him, he would get a prophecy and run away before the Order would even heard about it. He was very good at escaping and hiding. He did that all his life. Death Eaters wouldn't stand a chance. And Black should have stayed at home being a fucking wanted criminal.

Idiots. Why was there no one like Mike at Hogwarts?

Slowly the tiredness overcame him enough to sleep.

_Harry was staying on King's Cross again. Mike was with him. He was singing. "We are the Champions" made Potter a bit irritated. It always had. Mike looked bad, but his voice was clear. Clear and sad. He tried too many times to stop taking._

_"Hey, Mike, why are they always travelling somewhere? It's like they have never a chance to stay and think."_

_"You see, brother, they have money. We have us. Thinking. Singing and nothing else. They have no time to dream. We have all time we want."_

_"Until we'll run out of food."_

_Mike laugh. "Yes. Until we'll run out of food. However, don't worry. We won't."_

_Harry sat next to Mike. "Do you think that we are already lost?"_

_"Who told you that?"_

_"The guards talked about us yesterday night. I accidentally listened. One said that we are no one. That we are not here. Not anywhere. As if we hadn't existed."_

_Mike took out a joint and smoke._

_"He is a fool, kid. We do. We are here and we should have our dreams, 'cause only there can change us without losing ourselves. Remember it, little brother. Here I will show you how to play my guitar."_

_The picture changed. Harry was staying above the dead body of Mike. Looking down he couldn't believe. Mike couldn't have died. He had the dreams. To survive and to sing. To play the guitar. To talk about the constantly moving people. To laugh at Harry. And with Harry. To keep him sane and together. Mike couldn't leave him._

_He felt the tears on his cheeks. He fell on his knees and shook Mike's body._

_"Don't leave me! I won't manage without you" he whispered. "You promised me, you fucking bastard! Mike!"_

"Jacques! Wake up."

Harry opened his eyes.

"What's up, Sna… I mean, Severus?"

"You were having a nightmare."

"So? I've gotten used to it. It's just a…dream."

"I'm very sorry then" said Snape angrily. "I should have thought that ' you've gotten used to it'."

"Fuck off. I wouldn't sleep at all, if I cared."

"Potter, you may be here, but I am your teacher. So treat me with respect!"

"All right, Professor."

Harry ignored Snape's furious look and opened his cigarettes' packet.

"In the first-class compartment smoking is strictly forbidden" snarled Severus.

"Where can I smoke then?"

"At the end of the carriage. Don't get lost."

"I won't."

Snape concentrated on his notes again. Harry got out of the compartment. He was angry at himself, because he had gone with Snape. At Severus, because he took him. At Mike, because he died, leaving him a guitar and the fucking dreaming. At the world, because it wanted to be rescued, but had not given him anything.

He pushed strongly the door at the end of the carriage. There was a sign about smoking in the small room. He stroke a match. Fire lightened his hands for a few seconds, before he blew it away. It wasn't good to look too long at the fire. It memorized about bad moments. Really bad moments.

"I should stop smoking" he muttered to himself. "After seeing what an addiction can do with a human I really should be wiser."

His hands were shaking.

"Shit. More terrible situations in my life and I will just break."

He reminded himself about Mike. The best brother that he could possibly have. The best human that he had ever met. Even if Mike was high most of the time and a prostitute, he took care of Harry. Every time the boy had to survive in this unforgiving world on his own. Mike didn't ask about the beating. Didn't expect him to give or have any answers. Didn't expect him to save them. He wanted to be the one doing saving. Mike wanted to help them all. Of course, he was mostly delusional. Living in the world of dreams. But Harry could always go to him. Get some food and warm body against him in the winters. Mike was always there for him with his quasi-wise teachings.

Harry took out another cigarette. He didn't want to give up smoking. It was something he could just do. With no problems or reasons. Without any effects, besides his own health. It calmed him down. He could stay and think for a moment. That had fantastic effects on his decisions.

"Maybe Snape was right and I shouldn't have reacted like that."

After twenty more minutes and another cigarette Harry came back to the compartment.

"I apologize for earlier" he said.

"What?" Severus looked at him over the papers.

"I am sorry for my behavior. Should I spell it out for you?"

"No."

Harry sat down. Severus was constantly looking at him.

"Jacques. Why are you living at King's Cross? I thought that you had money. As far as I remember your parents left you quite a fortune."

"Yeah. They did."

"So…"

"It's a long story."

"We have one more hour to Paris."

"All right. I won't tell you this, got that? It has to be enough that he keeps all my things closed. And I have no access to them. I have only my wand and nothing else. The key to the Gringott's vault is one of those things."

The rest of the journey Severus read his notes and Harry was quietly playing the guitar. Not before they got out of the train on Gare du Nord[1], Potter asked "Why are there so few people on the train?"

"There are quite a lot. Just not in the first-class and probably not in this direction. We have holidays. Nearly everybody wants to escape from big cities. Besides they are using planes, not trains. And the ones who actually use trains get the second-class tickets" Severus said it as it was obvious.

"Right. I knew it was something really easy" mocked Harry.

"Don't try to be sarcastic. It doesn't suit you."

Potter didn't answer.

Following Severus Snape wasn't easy. The man went quickly and didn't wait. However, Harry had a lot of experience in doing it.

The car had waited for them. Harry watched the pictures of Paris through the windows. He was near heart attack when he saw the hotel in front of which the driver had stopped.

"How much money does a Potion Master make?"

"A good Potion Master? From patents around five million galleons a year."

"Fuck. Now I get why you all meets in hotels like that."

They got in.

"Good afternoon, Master Snape" an old man greeted them.

"Good afternoon, Mister Dumont. You look as good as always."

"And you look much better than during last twenty years, Severus. I see you brought a friend with yourself. Another uncommon thing."

"Yes. This is Jacques Orwell."

"Mister Dumont" Harry nodded.

"Young Potion Master?"

Harry laughed

"No. My specialty is Theory of Magic."

"At university?"

"Actually no. I prefer to work on my own. I am not exactly good at dealing with people. However, I could point out at least four little breaks in your barriers."

"Are you building barriers, Mister Orwell?"

"No, sir. Just maintaining most of the time. "

Severus was looking at Potter a bit surprised, but he tried not to show it.

"Four breaks you say, Mister Orwell. I shall fix them" said Dumont. "Alexis will take you to your room."

"Jean Baptist, if I could ask, we would like to drive to the centre. We have some shopping to do."

"Of course. He will be waiting for you, Severus. And one more thing. Je ne sais pas comment tu t'en es emparé mais peu de gens sont capables de rattraper leur retard en aussi peu de temps. C'est un bon observateur.[2]

Severus looked at his old friend. Jean Baptist just told him that Potter was able to notice something too quickly for normal man. The moment they closed the door in their room Potter asked, looking around fascinated:

"What does it mean 'emparé"? I don't know this word… This room is…wow. Incredible. Absolutely amazing!" he sat on the bed. "I've never seen anything like that."

"You know French" it wasn't a question.

"Well. A bit. Not like you probably, but I do understand most of it, when it is not spoken to fast."

"How?"

"I had been learning in a muggle school and was quite good at it. I love to learn the languages. It had been another ability, which I needed to run away. Of course, only in my dreams. I didn't stop learning French after going to Hogwarts. I didn't want to lose this ability, even if it was only a stupid stubbornness."

"How did you know about breaks?"

"When you live on the streets, you learn quite a few things. When I was a kid and worked for the first time in the docs, I was Mister Amont's favorite message boy. Quick and not asking questions. You know who is he?"

Of course he knew. He worked for the man for a long time. Only docs would employ children. For messaging, for carrying smaller, less valuable boxes, for cleaning. He hated the job. Especially, when sometimes the sailors-smugglers would drink and kill each other. Cleaning blood was disgusting. He answered calmly nonetheless.

"Yes. The guy who is responsible for keeping aurors out of the docs."

"Exactly. He uses wards and stuff. I used to help him. Before I grow up enough to carry boxes. I still help him sometimes though. I liked it, so I read about Arithmacy and stuff. Quite a lot. But I didn't think that I should do it at Hogwarts. It would be kind of strange for me to know such things. And don't worry. I am not going to say anyone that you were wrong about me." during his speech he looked around carefully. "I doubt that anyone would bet on me knowing these. The most of my teachers probably think that I don't know anything at all. But I don't give a damn."

"Pathetic, Jacques. Really pathetic."

"Yeah. It's. I don't care."

"That is the one thing I do know" sarcasm was nearly tangible.

"I hate you sometimes" muttered Potter.

"Only sometimes?"

"You haven't deserved being really hated by me."

"Who did? Mister Malfoy?"

"He? No. He is amateur" Potter wasn't concentrated on the dialog at all.

"All right. The end of this stupid conservation. You seem not to think about it. Put this bag in the wardrobe. I will unpack, when we come back."

"Sure thing, Severus."

"Get up, Jacques" Snape ignored that Potter used his name for the first time. "We have to go, if we want to buy you the clothes."

"Right" Harry stood up.

* * *

[1] From French „North Station", one of the biggest train station in Paris

[2] I don't know, from where you ran across this boy, but few people is able to notice those shortcomings in such short time. He is really good observer. (I don't know French at all, but I hope it's good. My friend from France wrote the translation.)

 


	3. C is for Crime

_(In which Harry Potter is irritated, past is reminded, the things are getting heated and complicated, Severus is thinking everything through, despite of being nearly furious or depressed or both and the 'boys' eat a dinner with two professors)_

The fourth hour. How could Snape do this to him? Severus, not Snape, but whatever. He was irritated. It was the sixth jacket, he had to try. And Severus looked like he enjoyed it. The shop assistant brought another one.

"Please, try that one, sir" she smiled at him.

She was too nice. Much too nice. As if she wanted… Not possible. He did not speak French well enough to understand every implied nuance. He was quite certain that the girl had more on her mind than just being overly friendly. And he didn't know the meaning of certain combination of words. From Severus' expression he could confirm that the woman was in fact too friendly.

"And what does your father think?" she asked, when Harry put on another set of clothes.

"Severus is not my father" he snarled.

"Oh" she blushed. "I'm sorry."

From this moment she stopped being so friendly. As Severus was paying, she held his arm and asked him extremely invasive and inappropriate questions. When they finally got out of the store, Harry was nearly furious. The comment she had made, the implications could cost any man his life. And despite Snape always being a dick to him, he did rescue Harry from King's Cross. Nobody else ever helped him like that.

"I could've killed her."

"What did she say to you?"

"Not your bloody business."

"Perhaps, but you're annoyed, and that involves me. I have to stay with you."

"She asked me, if you are using me and if I want her to help me. She was much too close. And too nice. And she kept touching me."

"She was young and pretty. What the hell did you want? Not to try and hit to you?"

"Hell no. She was a woman."

That shut Severus up. After two minutes he asked "Could you say the last two sentence again?"

"Which sentences? Those 'Hell no. She was a woman.' Don't look so shocked. I am gay. And I don't exactly care what you think about it. Well, actually I don't care about anyone's opinion about me being gay. However" he added seeing that Severus wanted to say something "I would not like it, if this was announced on the first page of The Prophet. And don't even try to judge me. You brought me here as your bloody life partner or whatever."

"I wasn't going to. And I won't say anything. However, the staff though always that you and Miss Granger…"

"What? Ron would probably kill me. I have enough of girls, especially after Cho Chang. And I really hated it."

"What? The shopping?"

"Yes."

Snape laughed slightly.

"I noticed."

"And she was staying too close."

"I understand. I don't like it either."

"Really? I thought that you were amused yourself."

"I don't like shopping for myself. And it was amusing to see your irritated expression. And her efforts to interest you."

"Thanks a lot."

They reached the hotel.

"Put your things in the wardrobe. We have two hours before the supper starts. And we both have to take a shower. I will go first, when you will be unpacking."

"Right."

Harry had never had so many clothes. Trousers, shirts, jeans, jackets, dress robes, shoes. Snape bought all of those. He should've stayed at the King's Cross. There were no problems, no obligations. Life went on calmly and without real progress. He could rely only on himself, working and doing whatever he wanted. It wasn't easy life, but it was his. Well, his body hurt nearly always. He had no home, besides Hogwart. He wasn't sure, if he would stay alive or have anything to eat the next day, but he managed it all alone. Without anybody. Without pity. He was too damn proud. And yet he allowed Snape to take him from his peaceful oasis. 'Peaceful' would be an understatement for anyone, who didn't live there, but for him it was much safer than Privet Drive 4. He put his last clothes to the wardrobe, just as Severus walked out of the bathroom.

Harry had seen him before in muggle clothing and he knew that his professor looked much better without his everyday robes. But now Snape had only a towel around his waist. His body was so well-built. He didn't have one hair on his chest and despite of he being skinny, the layer of muscles was clearly visible. The water drops were slowly running down his chest. His skin didn't have this yellowish shade, which gave her the protective poisons. Harry knew the fact, because sometimes he bought the medicines from his familiar Potion Master at Nocturne. The hair also didn't look greasy anymore. However, Severus had a lot of scars. Even more so than Harry.

Harry quickly turned his eyes away. Severus, lost in thoughts, didn't noticed his staring. Not every day a person got to know how handsome was the 'old bat from the dungeons', when he wasn't working on his potions. It was good that he didn't like to be with any human. He didn't think that he would, or rather could, establish a normal relationship. Not after his so-called family. And rather never with someone like Severus Snape. For the love of Merlin, the man had hated hims guts since their first meeting. Helping him did not change this. No matter how appealing his chest was.

"You can go and take a shower. But I have to ask you in order not to shave."

"Why?" Harry asked, but the answer appeared in the same moment clearly in his mind. "Don't say. I know. I'm a famous person, even in other countries. However, despite of the fact that I'm on the first page of the newspapers quite often, most people won't recognize me without seeing a scar. You want to make it even less possible."

"Wow. Jacques. You can actually think! I would never guess, seeing your failures nearly every day" the words were saturated with sarcasm. "One more question before you go. We don't you take the money from the bank, before your family takes your things away?"

"Don't you get it? I don't want to talk about it. Damn you, accept it."

"I can't. I'm your teacher."

"And former Death Eater. Why don't you tell me, how you managed to become one?"

Severus paled. In one second Harry understood that the blow had hit below the belt.

But Snape shouldn't put his too big nose into Harry's business. He had no right. But Harry should not have retaliated in such manner. On the other hand, he couldn't do anything else to protect himself. He couldn't run away and he needed to cope with the situation. Angering Snape wasn't going to help him.

"Go and take a shower" Severus' voice sounded steady, but Harry noticed that he barely kept his temper from erupting.  
He glared at the man for a few seconds. It wasn't his problem. Harry dealt with his family for years. Snape could go to hell for all he cared. With his blasted nosy interest in his life. But it wasn't good to antagonize the man. After all, he was much better at killing, torture and probably disposing of the bodies. Harry turned around and went to the bathroom.

Severus didn't move. When the door shut behind Potter, he sat on the bed. It would be difficult. He wasn't patient man. He wasn't also good man. And Potter… Severus understood his behavior. He was trying to defend himself from everything and everybody. He probably hated the thought of sharing his feelings and past. It was natural for those who had been abused. And Potter had been for sure. He behaved… No. It was too painful to remember. And too vivid to forget. Life does suck. He shouldn't've taken Potter with himself. It had brought every single action back. And he had thought that the past had been buried long time ago. At least he should've done it after the Dark Lord nearly killed him.

The Dark Lord... How much Severus wished that he hadn't followed the man. Young, hurt, stupid and so proud. So proud of magic. Of accomplishments. Of bright future as a researcher, Potion Master, wizard. The reality didn't hit him for a long time. But when it finally did... It was devastating. He never wanted to be a monster and that was what he turned out to be. Too ambitious, too bright for his own good. And to blind to see the fall.

Severus hid the face in his hands. He had to deal with all this. Potter was intelligent enough to know that they were in danger. He could play well. If he managed to fool them all those years, he had to be good. Or they had just fooled themselves. Trying not to see, what the boy, man, had been going through. He tried to overthrow this idea. His friends would have seen something. Or maybe not? Potter was a Gryffindor. The Slytherins were much better at solving the secrets. Granger and Weasley were only curious about the events. Could they see the feelings as well? How could he not see those? Was he so much blind with hate? Probably. That was exactly his style. But Dumbledore? McGonagall? He had seen only the Savior. But they?

On the other hand, Potter was the Savior. The Boy Who Lived. He rescued them so many times. Had anyone ever seen the desperate sixteen year old man, who tried to hide his real state? Nevertheless , he was angry at Jacques. More than ever. More than he had been, when the idiot had gone into his Pensieve. The boy may have tried to defend himself, but he had had no right to say something like that. Severus had betrayed the Dark Lord. And had paid high price for it. He had saved Potter's life many times. The arrogant idiot could've been at least a bit grateful.

Severus stood up. He could think about it again later. He started to feel hunger. And he had to choose some clothes for himself and Potter. The Savior knew probably nothing about proper clothing.

Potter walked out of the bathroom, just as Severus ended dressing up.

"Here are your clothes. Wear them" he said. Potter nodded, but he didn't move. "Do you want to eat?" Severus snarled.

"Look…I really wanted to… apologized. I shouldn't've..."

"You're damn right. You had no right to answer me like that. I'm trying to help you. Dress. I won't lose my supper because of you" but Potter didn't move even then. "What else do you want?"

"I wanted to thank you. For taking me from the King's Cross. And for buying me food and clothes. Nobody has done that much for me. Ever."

Severus nodded. His fury weakened.

"I just really don't want to talk about it, you know."

Severus nodded. He did know.

Potter probably was as angry as him as well. The boy wouldn't trust an adult quickly. Severus understood that. And he understood the motive behind apologies. Potter obviously was scared. With a man that hated him in a foreign country. He couldn't even run away. He couldn't really do anything without bringing attention to them. And he was scared because of it. Severus understood that perfectly.

"Alright. Now dress and we can go for a supper."

Thirty minutes later they both walked down to the restaurant. Harry was dressed impressively. The newest suit made him look mature and more handsome than he ever thought possible. They sat at one of the tables. The restaurant was designed with as much taste as the rest of the hotel. Harry looked around.

"You like it, don't you?" in Severus word's was an echo of irony.

"Yes, Severus. I do. Who wouldn't?"

"Point."

The waiter came to their table.

"Mister Snape, Mister Orwell. I am Kevin Nelligan and I will be serving you" he said in French and gave them menus.

"Thank you, Kevin. Would you give us a moment?"

"Of course, sir."

The young man walked away.

"What would you like, Jacques?" asked Snape.

"I don't know nearly any of those names. I have never put much effort to remember the meals in French. I haven't expected to use them beyond the basics."

"Shall I choose?"

"I would be grateful."

Severus quickly search the menu and ordered two full dinners and wine. The meal was delicious.

"So, what will I be doing here?"

"Going with me to the lectures. They will be mostly boring for you, but I don't suppose I can let you run around unprotected."

"I would never think that I will land on the International Congress of the Potion Masters. Especially with you. The destiny likes to play with me, but given my records in the class…"

"Do tell, Jacques. I would really like to hear it."

"You're impossible."

"Don't worry too much. I think I should also show you at least the most important monuments of the Paris. However, don't think you will be entertained all the time."

"Why would you do this?"

"Most of my colleagues would think that is strange, if I hadn't showed you my favorite city. And they will for sure ask about it."

In this moment someone said cheerfully:

"Severus, my old friend. Do I see wrong or you really brought some handsome young man with yourself. I didn't believe, when Jean Baptist told me so."

In front of them stood an old man. His hair was white and on the face were a lot of wrinkles. He was tall and thin. From his face radiate strange joy and energy. He was accompanied by a woman, a bit younger than him. She was remarkably similar to McGonagall in the way of presenting herself and walking. Although, she had to be older than the transfiguration professor.

"Yes, Nikolaus. I brought a friend. This is Jacques Alexander Orwell" Harry stood up greeted the old man.

"No need to greet, Jacques. I'm Nikolaus Grindelwald. The infamous Gellert Grindelwald is my uncle. And this is my wife. Adele."

"It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I assure you that it's a pleasure for us" said Adele. "Can we sit with you two, Severus?"

"Of course, Adele" Severus put her a chair.

"So, my friend. As I heard you have quite interesting friend" started Adele. "I would really like to know, how did you, young man, notice those tiny breaks in the wads? You see, I am the professor of the Theory of Magic and I saw personally to all those wards."

Harry blushed and started talking to Adele about his experience, twisting and changing the truth, so it would fit his momentary needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for today. Read, review, don't kill me for my English.


	4. D is for Defeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter reposted from ff.net. New chapter will be posted around this weekend.  
> Lolly

( _In which Harry is embarrassed and has nightmares, Severus sees his scars, makes mistakes and feels more defeated than ever in his life and Adele is absolutely impossible_ )

They had come back to their room way after midnight. Entire day made Harry tired. He took off his shirt. He didn't exactly care anymore about Snape seeing his scars. He had already seen his arms. His backs were not so much worse than that.

Severus was watching Harry undressing. The boy surprised him once again charming Adele as if she was a thirteen year old fangirl. They talked about some Arithmacy's Challenges that nobody had solved since ages. As it turned out Potter really knew the subject. Severus was astonished. He never thought that Potter was interested in anything but Quidditch. Adele even asked him why he was such an idiot and had never brought Jacques with him to Germany. If she only knew the truth.

But he still had some problems. He had to tell the boy who certainly didn't trust him, that they needed to sleep in one bed. Potter probably never even slept with anyone in a bed. Especially not a man twenty years older than him. But Adele had this idiotic habit of coming to his room ridiculously early in the morning to "wake him up, because it is such a beautiful day". And he seriously doubt that she would stop just because he had "a lover" now. He was so against the very thought of sleeping next to Potter. The boy was fucking sixteen year old. No matter that they weren't really having sex.

He turned around to see the boy and nearly choked on air. The boy's back were covered by long, thin scars, old and newer. It looked like someone whipped Harry many times throughout his entire life. He rose his hand and touched them, just to ensure himself that he wasn't dreaming.

He did not anticipate Potter's violent reaction. The boy moved away from him so quickly that he didn't even catch it. His arm was grabbed and hold surprisingly strongly by Harry. Severus looked up to see boy's face. There were so many emotions flashing through. Anger, fear, confusion. But the strongest was embarrassment.

"What the fuck you think you're doing?" demanded Potter, still squeezing painfully his arm.

That was the first time that Severus actually looked at the boy. He was not only slim, which wasn't exactly surprising, but also muscular. I took Severus a second to realize that he had to gain the muscles during endless hours of Quidditch practices and work in the magical docks. He remembered himself how hard was to move the packages, coming out of the ships. Especially that, most was too magically-sensitive to even help oneself by adding some magical strength. Entire power must have come from muscles. He realized that he was staring in the space.

"Nothing. I just..."

"Just what?!" growled Potter. "Don't touch me. Ever."

"I apologize. I was just surprised."

"By what? Scars? Haven't you expected them? Maybe the wounds on my arms should tell you something."

"Potter... Harry... A person that have done this to you..." "Is a monster" interrupted the boy. "Or sick bastard. I got that long time ago. You don't have to tell me all the stuff that shrinks are telling people, because I frankly don't give a damn. It doesn't matter who she or he is. It doesn't even matter why. All that does is that you won't do that again."

Severus freed his arm from Harry's grip slowly and gently. It was going to be pain in the ass.

"It does matter. It does matter who and it does matter why. And the person is not only a monster, but also a criminal and for that only he would be sentenced to a Kiss."

"He can't be. He can never be sentenced." Potter looked away from him.

"Why is that?"

"Imagine that. Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, abused by his muggle family. What's better way to announce that Voldemort is right?"

Severus looked at him with disbelief. The boy was right. If this ever get out, the reaction would be furious. The muggles and muggleborns would suffer and The Dark Lord would probably gain a lot of support.

"That's why you never told anyone" he said.

"Among other things" muttered Potter.

Severus nodded. The abused children weren't exactly forthcoming with their issues. He knew that rather well from experience.

"I will not touch you again without your permission" he said.

Potter didn't answer. He just took off to the bathroom.

Severus sat down on the bed. He had no idea how to approach the subject of sharing the bed. They had to do it. His thoughts wandered aimlessly around the issue without any real solution. He still couldn't wrap his mind around the abuse that Potter was an object of. The Boy Who Lived, the hero who was an icon of protecting muggles and muggleborns suffered so much from the former. Severus had no idea how the boy had come out of it with any will to fight against The Dark Lord. If he was at his place… Whom was he trying to kid? He used to be at his place and the first thing he did was joining The Dark Lord in his quest to kill every muggle possible.

Potter didn't. It showed his character. Maybe he was just much better man than Severus used to be. Even if Voldemort coming after him, he would just run to the end of the world and hide there. And Potter… Potter went out of his way to help people, save them. No matter who they were. Severus would never been capable of anything close.

For the first time in his entire life he felt utterly defeated. Potter was just a boy. A boy that dealt with much more than most of the adults. The words he spoke about his tormentor… They were so true… But hearing them from Potter was like a blow to his entire existence. A blow that left him wanting to cringe, hide, cry, kick, torture and murder the bloody bastard all at once.

At the same time, Harry was sitting on the shower floor. The cold water running over him. He should have anticipated Snape's reaction to his scars. He was just so used to it, that he didn't really notice anymore. They were part of him. Part that reminded him about horrible times. Memories that were usually buried under his bravery, his saving people thing. He hid it deeply in his mind, so that he wouldn't have to revisit those scenes in his mind. Only during the night this part of him came forward to hunt him and bury his life under the burden of the past. He should have known that Snape would freak out. He sat there for a long time trying to figure the situation out. He kept coming out empty handed. He had no idea how to deal with recent developments.

"Potter, open the bloody door" Severus' voice startled him. He got up, put a towel around his waist and opened the door.

"What the hell?"

"You've been there for half an hour" said Snape and Harry was surprised by the relief that showed on his face for a fraction of a second.

"I was showering. I am not suicidal" he growled.

"Good to know" muttered Severus. "Go to bed, Potter. We have a long day ahead of us."

Severus passed Harry on his way to shower and couldn't not notice that the boy shivered. The temperature in the bathroom was much lower than before.

"Of course, the idiot showered in freezing water" he muttered to himself. But there were more pressing issues than that one. Cold water wouldn't kill the boy. Voldemort might, if he found out where Harry was.

He showered quickly.

When he got out of the bathroom he saw Potter laying on the floor next to the bed. Now was the time to tell him about bed sharing. There would be no more delays.

"Potter, when I said, go to bed, I meant bed, not the floor."

"What?"

"Put your ass in bed, you moronic child."

"You can't tell me that you are willing to give up the bed to me." Severus signed.

"I can't and we can't."

"I don't understand" Potter said.

"We have to share a bed" Severus explained calmly.

"No fucking way. I am not sleeping with you" Potter breath quickened from rising rage in his body.

"We are not going to have sex, idiot. If I wanted to have sex, you wouldn't be even close to my list of choices."

"Fuck you."

"Ok, listen. I am not happy about it either. But it's not that easy, ok? You are here pretending to be my lover and I can't let the story fall apart, because I make you sleep on the floor."

"It's a bloody private room. It's not like anyone will be coming in without knocking first."

"There will be" Severus signed. "Adele for once. She never cares whether I have a companion in the bed and comes at the strangest moments. Including the bloody dawn, when we both will be sleeping. It's not that I don't trust her, but the less people are aware that you are not in fact my lover the better for us."

"Fuck" was the only answer he got from Potter. "Look, Potter, I know it's not the best of the arrangements, but I wasn't going to leave you on King's Cross, so The Dark Lord would have gotten you."

Potter didn't answer again. He just got into the bed and laid down as far towards the edge as possible. Severs signed inwardly again. That was going to be a mess. He laid down and tried to sleep, but the blessed state wouldn't come. His mind was spinning and it just wouldn't leave him enough peace to fall into darkness. He listened to Potter's slowing breathing. He could say that the boy was exhausted and even sharing the bed with his hated Potion Master didn't interrupt his rest.

Finally, tiredness overcame here and he fall into restless sleep, tormented by nightmares.

When he woke up, he knew he didn't sleep long. The night was still ruling the world outside the window. At first he couldn't point out what had awoken him. At least until he heard muttering from the other side of the bed. Potter was rolling relentlessly. He was mumbling, obviously still asleep.

"No, please, no" he begged with fear. Severus sat up.

"Potter, wake up" he said loudly. But Harry was way too deep in his nightmare. Severus grimaced. He was probably getting slapped for this, but he reached and shook young man. The boy caught him by surprise, first by cringing and then putting his arms around him. He clung to Severus muttering: "I'm sorry. I am so sorry." He was at the edge of consciousness. Severus groaned, not knowing what to do with the man hugging him tightly.

"It's ok, Jacques" he said finally, stroking Potter's hair. "Go back to sleep."

Potter clamed at the motion and touch.

"Mike" he said. "Thank you" and fall back to deep sleep, not letting Snape go.

Severus signed again. Potter was a total mess. He really had no idea how he survived this that long. Neither did he know, how he managed to cover this all up for five years at Hogwarts. The outcome wouldn't be pretty. There would be a hell to pay. Dumbledore would probably murder him, but he would deal with it as it came. Severus kept stroking Potter's hair until sleep claimed him once more.

The second time he stirred from sleep, it was morning. The sun was purring through the windows. There was another warm body around him, hugging him. Somehow after the nightmare, Potter managed to get on top of him and use him as a pillow. It should have surprised him how light the boy was, but after the previous day it didn't.

"Come on, boys. Up, up. There's a beautiful day outside and you don't want to miss it" Severus heard Adele speaking.

Potter woke up at that and jerked, but Severus quickly put his arms around him and kept him in place.

"Adele, for the love of Merlin, could you knock before invading my room?"

"Oh, come on, dear boy. You two don't have anything I haven't seen many times in my life." Potter blushed and Severus let him roll off to face Adele.

"Morning" he mumbled.

"Morning, sweetheart. How are you today?"

"Fine" he muttered.

"Adele, I might be accustomed to your invasions on my privacy, but Jacques is not."

"Oh, you don't mind me, Jacques, do you?" Potter shook his head furiously, still red-faced.

"Adele, stop tormenting the boys" they heard the voice of Nikolaus. "Let them have time to wake up before you force yourself into their bedroom."

"Thank you, Nikolaus" shouted Severus.

"Ok, ok. I just came in to wake you up. You shouldn't be sleeping when there is such a beautiful weather outside" she said and left.

Potter sprung out of the bed and rushed into the bathroom without looking at him. Severus put together his clothes for the day by the time Harry reemerged from the bathroom. He still wasn't looking at Severus.

"Jacques."

"Yes?" he mumbled. "I am sorry about Adele. I will ask her not to barge into here without knocking."

Harry shrugged. Obviously, it wasn't about Adele.

"Jacques" Potter didn't respond. "Jacques."

The man didn't even give any indication that he heard Severus. That pissed him off. He grabbed Potter and turned him around forcefully. Potter jerked away and his hands shot up in a protective move. Severus stopped himself immediately and took step back.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you." Potter calmed a bit, but Severus noticed he was shaking slightly.

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing" the boy lied quickly.

"We've been over this. Don't give me bullshit answers."

"I'm sorry" he said, not looking up from the floor.

"Sorry? What for?" Severus asked incredulously.

"You know…" he made a wave gesture with his hand.

"No, I do not. Maybe you will enlighten me."

"The nightmare, waking you and shit…" Potter mumbled.

He was sorry, because he woke Severus up through having a nightmare. Severus felt like screaming.

"Accepted" he said calmly instead. "As long as you will accept mine about forcing you to turn right now" Harry nodded miserably.

"Not necessary though. Don't worry about it, Jacques."

This time it was Harry's turn to look incredulous. However, he met Severus' eyes and it was a small victory.

"Did you think I would hold a nightmare against you?" he asked. "I may be a bat from the dungeons, but I am not that much of a cold hearted bastard."

There was so much shock on Harry's face.

"Really? Did you think I am so stupid that I don't know what students are calling me when they think nobody hears them?"

Harry shrugged and relaxed a little. At least Severus had about eight hours before the opening of the Congress at seven in the evening. He should use this time to make Potter more relaxed and show him around the city. It may even bring out the talkative side of the man back.


	5. E is for Endings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter. I meant to add it during the weekend, but I honestly didn't have a single moment of free time. You know, weekend with your family, can do that to a person (thankfully I am back home now and no one to interrupt me till Eastern). Enjoy (I hope).
> 
> Thank you guys for all kudos and subscriptions. It's nice to see that someone actually enjoys my stories.  
> Lolly  
> PS. As always, forgive me my mistakes :).

_(In which Harry doesn’t talk, Severus tries to help him relax by showing him his favorite places in muggle Paris and for the first time finds out something about Mike)_

The breakfast with Grindelwalds was a rather awkward affair. Harry was rather quiet and absent-minded. Adele asked him even if he was really uncomfortable about her invading their room in the morning, but Potter answered that he just got some bad news from home.

“Oh, I am so sorry, sweetie. I hope it’s not anything serious.”

“Nothing to worry about, Ma’am. Just some complicated stuff that keeps my mind wandering.”

“Don’t worry, honey. I am sure you will resolve whatever the situation is.”

Severus jerked slightly, feeling guilty of participating in laying to Adele. And jet he felt strangely revealed that Potter managed to do it and kind of proud of the man. He shouldn't be taken aback by his ability to mix the truths and lies so that it would suit him best, but he couldn't help it. After all Potter was a Gryffindor. They were brave, bold and couldn't manage to come up with a decent deception. The man next to him was different. Severus really shouldn't be astonished by his ability after finding out about the reality that Potter lived. But to see it and know that he was doing it at the exact moment, he couldn't be unimpressed. He did it with such an ease that it was simply astonishing. Severus was nothing if not a perfect Slytherin and he appreciated the less morally-valued skills. They were meant for survival and that was what Slytherins stand for. How Potter managed to avoid being placed there was a mystery to him.

He scolded himself for not seeing it sooner. Maybe they could've avoided some troubles in the past, if he noticed that Potter had been acting most of his life. Now that he realized that nothing was ever easy about the young man, he would know how to read him better. He would expect different things and be better prepared to deal with him and protect him.

He groaned softly. Lily… He forgot about her till that moment. Lily, whom he promised to take care of little Harry Potter, when he saw the boy for the first time. A babe, barely a week old. He had been failing in his task for many years…

“Severus?” he heard Nikolaus asking and looked up at the man. His old friend was watching him closely.

“Sorry. I spaced out for a second. The Congress is almost constantly on my mind lately.”

“That’s fine, lad” chuckled Adele. “Though I am sure you are going to show Jacques Paris today, ain’t you?”

“Of course, I was planning to take him for a little trip just after breakfast.”

Nikolaus smiled.

“Good” Adele clapped her hands. “We will leave you to it. I didn't come to Paris for the boring Congress of yours. I need to buy some clothes for myself and I would like to take Niko with me for a little bit of a reconnaissance.”

“You mean that you want to drag me through every shop that there is in Paris and clear out my bank account” Nikolaus laughed.

“I can surely make enough money for my needs, Niko” she glared at her husband. “We will leave you now, boys. Be good.”

“We will” assured her Severus.

She stood up and walked over to the exit.

“There are not needs” groaned Nikolaus. “They are whims! But what don’t we do to keep our loved ones happy? Even if it means spending a couple hundred thousand galleons. I would hate you for leaving me to it, Severus, if you haven’t brought a charming man with you. I shall see you at the opening” he winked at them and followed his wife.

Harry looked at Severus questioningly.

“Usually it’s me who gets dragged through the shops.”

Harry smirked.

“Don’t worry. That pleasure will be bestowed upon you, surely. While Niko and I will be going to the lectures and speeches, she will drag you everywhere. The one definitely good thing in all this is the fact that Adele will be entertained by you” Severus laughed at Harry’s scared expression. “Don’t worry, I am pretty sure that you can talk to her about this whole warding/arithmancy thing to avoid shopping rampage all the time. Besides it is not going to hurt you and Adele is more than qualified to protect you at all times” he added calmly.

Harry nodded.

“Fine, let’s go to our room. We have a few hours of walking around and I’m not doing that in this shoes.” Severus pointed down at elegant, leather shoes he was wearing.

The car was waiting for them, as they walked out of the hotel.

“Mr. Snape, Mr. Orwell. My name is Jean and I will be your driver for today” the young man approached them. He spoke in French, but it was slow enough for Harry to understand.

“Great” Severus said. “We shall start with Arc de Triomphe. You can drop us off there. We will walk from there to Louvre and Cathédrale Notre-Dame.”

“Of course, sir.”

“After that, I will call you.”

“Sure” the car took off as soon as they sat. Harry looked out the window, watching the streets they were passing.

He was silent during the entire raid. Severus observed him, but didn't want to push Potter to talk. And Severus had his own memories to deal with.

His mother had shown him Paris, before she died. They never went, of course. It was not possible with how poor they were. But she showed him photos, pictures of her favorite city, that she visited with her family while young. On her death bad, destroyed by sickness and his father beatings, she made him promise that one day he would share the city with his loved one. Once, he thought that he had done it. It was all false. Severus was too young and too stupid to see it. The betrayal has made him colder, more cynical. Thankfully, it was ended before it was too late. However, catching your partner with someone else wasn't Severus ideal break up and he had never really moved past that.

And now again, he was sharing his beloved place with someone. A student. Sixteen year old, that wasn't even good at Potions. He was sharing it with someone he had no real connection to, beside the abuse they had both suffered.

He signed, when car pulled over.

“Thank you, Jean. That would be all for now. If you give me your number, I shall call you directly, when we will need you again.”

Jean gave Snape his number and left them.

“You have a phone?” asked Harry astonished.

“Contrary to the popular opinion, I am quite knowledgeable about muggles and their world. My father was one.”

“Oh. That’s a surprise. I always thought it was a muggleborn.”

“No” Severus stated simply. “Come on, we have to walk to the Arc.”

Harry followed Severus, who quickly caught his hand and held it. Even if Harry found it weird, he said nothing.

They approached the Arc walking slowly, without any haste.

“It’s one of my favorite places. The Arc de Triomphe. It shows some of people worsts flaws, but yet it’s so magnificent and beautiful” Severus explained. “It’s over 50 meters high with masterfully crafted sculptures.”

"Not a Napoleon fan?" Harry asked.

"Not really. He brought down entire Europe to its knees for personal glory. His wars were a cause of the death of thousand hundred of people."

"I don't agree. He was a great leader and wanted to preserve the French revolution's ideals and values. People went after him. Followed him till Russia and till death." Severus was rather astonished to hear such views from Harry Potter. "Isn't that what we do?"

"War is never the right answer."

"Maybe" Harry nodded absentmindedly. Severus was surprised to see him kneeling and taking a black notebook out of his bag. He ignored his teacher completely in favor of opening the book. Severus was completely shocked when he saw that the book was covered with sketches. Some of them were drawings of people. He noticed Dumbledore, youngest Weasley boy and Draco Malfoy. Others were places. He recognized Hogwarts while Potter was going through the notebook quickly. He found a blank page and got to drawing. It was quick, confident. He drew line after line, that was fast becoming the picture of the Arc.

“I didn't know you could draw” Severus said finally.

“Yeah, it comes in handy with runes and arithmancy shit” Potter answered. “My one true talent, other than escaping mad Dark Lords.”

“Playing the guitar, warding, now drawing. I must say you are full of surprises lately, Jacques.”

“I can’t play the guitar, really. I know one song and I play it very badly” he answered, still focused on drawing. "And warding was always more of a necessity than real talent. I mean I am good enough, but I would have never gotten into it, if it wasn't essential to my survival."

“You can't play the guitar, and yet you carry that blasted instrument with you?”

“It was my brother’s, Mike’s. He used to play it for money… tried to teach me, but failed spectacularly.”

“Mike?” Severus tried not to raise any suspicions by just echoing the name, but Potter’s eyes left the picture and focused back on his teacher.

“Yeah, Mike. My brother in everything, but blood” he said calmly, but there was a hint of cold and anger in his voice at exploiting his weakness.

Severus shrugged.

“Ass” muttered Harry, but abandoned the subject. “Can we walk around?”

“Sure, Jacques. We are here mainly for your enjoyment.”

Harry nodded, concentration back on the Arc.

“I thought you would not be entertained by it” admitted Severus when they were walking towards the next point of their trip.

“Why wouldn't I like sightseeing?”

“I do not know. You just never seemed like someone who would find pleasure in visiting the sites of cultural significance.”

“Seriously? ‘Find pleasure in visiting the sites of cultural significance’? Do you every talk like a human being? You know… Swear. Say ‘dunno’ or something normal.”

“Are you always that much of a brat?”

“Hey, I just asked. I bet it’s not healthy for you to be always proper. Maybe if you had fun every once in a while, you wouldn't try to terrorize me in your classroom.”

Severus stopped abruptly and looked at Potter angrily. But the second he did, he saw mirth in his eyes.

“You little…” he didn't finish.

“What?” asked Harry. “Something improper, I bet.”

“And trying to terrorize you? I am pretty sure that I managed better than just trying.”

“Yeah, a little better when I was a first year. But after a while… You just talked and that’s not scary enough, sorry.”

Harry lost himself in a memory for a few minutes. He was back at the station with Mike, who had promised him that one day they would become a real family. Harry was young enough to believe it back then. He was watching the kids playing with their parents and wished for the same. Obviously, that dream had ended when Mike died. All of Harry’s dreams ended that day. He did not have courage to dream again after that.

He shook his head slightly to come back to the reality.

Severus felt the slight change in Potter’s mood.

“Sorry, if I brought it up.”

Harry just waved.

“Almost everything can bring it up. That’s how it is with bad memories. A sight of a happy family is often enough. It is not like you or I have any control over it. I learnt how to hide it, but it’s always there.”

Severus understood that. People learn how to live with it, but forgetting was not an option. Even freeing himself at his seventeen birthdays didn't do much for him. Of course, it was better, because the abuse ended, but he carried it with him every day. There was no way around it, short of _Oblivating_ all memories. It was strange though. To hear it from someone so young. He, himself, tried to get rid of this strange longing and pain for years before he came to the same conclusion as Potter.

It was never ending story, a vicious circle that he was sentenced to repeat over and over again.

“When The End does not mean ending” he heard Potter’s voice.

“What?”

“A vicious circle. You muttered something about it. Just gave a thought. Besides, I think we have arrived” he nodded towards buildings of Louvre.

Severus hadn't expected it, but really he should after Harry’s fascination with The Arc de Triomphe. Potter in a museum was like a three year old on sugar rush. He wanted to see everything and now. Even if he tried to be dignified about it. But Severus could read the sings. He dealt with children all his life. The nervous anticipation was all too visible in Potter erratic moves, feet tapping and inability to stay still while they were waiting in the line.

He should be irritated with that behavior, but he just couldn't. Potter and him were too much like to blame the man for being excited. Severus was too.

He was even glad that his student wasn't quiet and withdrawn anymore. Severus wasn't exactly the most delicate man on earth. Neither was he equipped with right tools to deal with abused children, much less teenagers. Usually, it was Poppy, Minerva and Albus that dealt with it. Slytherins were all thought not to show weakness, besides no self-respecting pureblood would damage precious heir or “brood mare” that can be used for furthering political and economic power. But when he saw Potter fawning over da Vinci, he was assured that he wasn't doing very badly.

Severus found himself even enjoying Potter’s enthusiasm. He expected boredom and ignorance from him like he showed in potions. His childlike joy at museum was amusing Severus. It was even quite contagious. Severus listened to the endless flow of words that left man’s mouth and was quietly impressed with some knowledge Potter seemed to possess.

They spend a lot of time in a Louvre. Severus had to almost drag Harry out of the building to see Notre-Dame, before they had to head back to the hotel to prepare for inauguration of conference.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks guys for reading. The next chapter "F is for Former" can be expected some time next weekend (I think). Or maybe even sooner.


	6. F is for Former

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I am back, updating both Life Dictionary and Lady Magic, finally. I hope it will last and I won't hit writer's block again.
> 
> Thankfully, my English got a bit better in the meantime, so I will be fixing the bunch of mistakes I have found in the previous chapters some time soon and hopefully updating semi-regularly, since now unfortunately, I have a full time job that takes a lot of my time.
> 
> I hope you enjoy it.
> 
> Best,  
> Lolly

_(in which Harry-Jacques dresses up, meets his most hated professor former lover and puts the bastard in place, because no one is going to be a dick to his partner, even a pretended one)_

Severus laid out the set of formal robes they bought that day for him after taking a shower. Unfortunately, they were not tailored, but it would have to suffice.

“Here, you will wear this” he said. “This is for your hair” he pointed at a gel bottle in the bathroom. “And trim your beard, while you are at it as well.”

“You know awfully lot about clothes and stuff for a dude.”

“Jacques” Snape said warningly.

“What? It’s just an observation.”

“I had to learn to be accepted into the society of Potion Masters” Severus explained. “Now, shower.”

“Alright, alright.”

Harry took the clothes and went into the bathroom. He undressed, showered and trimmed his beard lightly, before putting on the slacks and brand new shirt. He did not even bother trying to tie his necktie. Hermione had always done that for him. He made a couple of half-hearted attempts to smooth his hair with gel, but it did not help at all, only making a bigger mess out of them.

“Perhaps, I should just cut them” he muttered to himself, but knew that he would never do it. His hair were the only thing that covered his famous scar.

Just as he was buttoning up his shirt, Snape entered the bathroom. Harry spun around. His most hated professor sure cleaned up nicely. He was dressed in a perfectly tailored robes, his hair cut short for once. There wasn’t a single wrinkle, a smallest imperfection in his clothing and posture. He looked a lot like Lucius Malfoy, impeccably dressed.

“How long does it take you to dress, Jacques?” he rolled his eyes.

“I tried to use the gel on my hair, but it did not help much.”

“It’s a lost cause” Snape commented. “Your father never quite managed. Even during his wedding, he had the same nest on his head.”

“You were at my parents wedding?” Harry asked.

“No, I was a loyal Death Eater at the time, but I have seen pictures.”

Harry turned around and buttoned the last few buttons.

“Could you help me with my tie?” he asked.

“How is it that you cannot tie your tie after five years of attending Hogwarts? You wear a tie every single day” Snape asked exasperated.

“Hermione does it for me and Ron, as well” Harry answered taking the tie in his hands and trying to remember how she did it.

“Let me” Snape sighed, stepping behind him and putting his hands on Harry’s. Harry let his arms fall. A few quick movements and Harry was sporting a perfect double Windsor knot.

“Wow. How are you so good at this?”

“Practice, Jacques. Practice.”

“You never wear a tie” Harry accused.

“Not at school, no. It gets in a way of making potions. Give me your arm.”

Harry turned around and held out his arm without a comment. Snape took his cuff gently and aligned it, putting on silver cuff-link.

As soon as he was finished, Harry twisted his arm to see.

“Thanks… Severus, they are nice,” he said when he saw simple squared cuff-links.

Snape nodded and finished his work by adding another cuff-link and a tie clip from a matching set and helped Harry into his over-robe.

Harry looked at his reflection in the mirror. He didn’t really look like himself. Between his beard and very formal clothes, he looked like an adult. If one disregarded his sad, tired expression, he might have even said that he looked quite handsome.

“Turn around, I will apply a light glamour charm, so that nobody sees your scar.”

Harry did as Severus said and a second later his scar disappeared.

“Can you teach me that?” he asked.

“It’s quite a complex charm, especially with your scar being a curse scar, but yes, I can teach you, once we are back at Hogwarts.”

Harry’s eyes flashed gratitude and Severus hesitated for a second, but then spoke.

“I can also give you a balm to… reduce scarring, if you wish.”

“I though my scar couldn’t be get rid of” Harry said.

“Not the one on your forehead, but the others” he motioned towards his clad chest.

Harry lowered his eyes.

“Potter, Harry… you have nothing to be ashamed off. I have my fair share of scars as well.”

Harry nodded.

“I know, I saw.”

“Exactly, so I will not judge, whatever you are thinking. It is your decision, and your decision only. Nobody can force you into doing something you do not do with your own body. You understand that?”

Harry nodded again, his eyes grilling into the ground in front of him, and then spoke quietly.

“I don’t wanna get rid of them. They are part of me, you know. I don’t wanna forget where I came from.”

Severus gently grabbed his chin and lifted his head.

“I know” he said. “I really do know. With that taken care of, we have a performance to complete. Seeing as you manage to fool just about everyone at Hogwarts, I have no doubts, you will manage” he offered Harry his arm. “Shall we, Jacques?”

Harry nodded with determination. Snape was right. He was a good actor. Pretending to be his professor’s life partner or whatever wouldn’t be too hard.

He took Snape’s arm.

“Of course, Severus.”

They arrived in the main hall of the hotel and were immediately intercepted by the Grindelwalds.

“Jacques, you look dashing, my dear.”

“Thank you, Adele” he responded.

“And you, Severus, such a handsome young man. You make a perfect pair. You simply must bring Jacques some time to Germany. I am sure that he would enjoy the Christmas Ball.”

Snape hummed noncommittally.

“Perhaps, we should go in” Nikolaus suggested lightly. “The opening will undoubtedly start soon.”

Grindelwald was right. The walked into a large room with a stage and rows of chairs, where people were already gathering. They barely managed to sit down in one of the front rows, when the lights went out and a light chatter in the room ceased immediately.

An old man walked to the stage a couple of seconds later.

“ _Sonorus”_ he said pointing his wand pointing at his throat. “Lord Minister of Magic, Lords and Ladies Chairmen, Lord Antoine de Calais, Lord Griffin von Schwarzwald, Lady Alexis Korzojesky and Lord Adrien van der Burg, Ladies and Gentleman, dear friends and colleagues. It is my great honor to welcome you to Paris to the two hundred twenty third International Congress of Potion Masters. It is a my pleasure to see the brightest minds of the art of potion making, gathered here to share the research, opinions and further our never-ending quest in expanding the knowledge of the wizarding world.” Harry listened intently as the man listed the most recent developments in the field, mentioning some Potion Masters. He wasn’t exactly advanced in that particular art, but the speech was thankfully not going into much details. He was quite shocked, when his own professor was mentioned. “And special welcome to Lord Prince, Severus Snape, who’s ground breaking research helps to cure the victims Dark Magic exposure each day all over the world” the man said and Harry clapped with every one else.

He knew on some level that Snape was a great Potion Master, but he never thought that he was that recognized in his community or that he was working to help the victims of Dark Magic exposure. Harry, working in the magical docks, had seen more than one case of people who were tortured with Dark Magic and suffered terribly from the exposure their whole lives. He grabbed his professor’s hand, squeezing it lightly and there was a flash of surprise in Severus’ eyes, but then, a look of understanding flashed in his eyes and he simply squeezed back.

Following the opening speeches, the Potion Masteries were awarded to those who achieved them in the previous year. That was a little more boring, although Harry had recognized one Ravenclaw and one Slytherin, a couple years older than him, being awarded their masteries.

Finally, one of the chairman of the Congress stood up and invited them all to the celebratory banquet.

“So, how did you like it, Jacques?” Adele inquired.

“Well, it was interesting” he admitted. “I am never going to be a Potion Master, I believe Severus would claim that I am complete waste when it comes to potions, but I am definitely proud of Severus and his achievements.”

“We all are, dear boy” Nikolaus said. “His work is not only ground breaking, but also extremely important. Many would have suffered much worse fates, had it not been for his research. Especially in England with the Dark Arts being used so frequently these days.”

“Yes, I have seen the victims of Dark Magic exposure.” Harry admitted. “Even years after the first war with Him Who Must Not Be Named, they suffered terribly.”

“Indeed. It was the same in Germany after my unfortunate nephew’s rule.”

“It is such a shame, though” Harry said contemplatively, as they started moving towards another room, following the crowds.

“What is?” asked Severus, as he offered Harry his arm.

“Well, the Dark Magic exposure tends to make people forget that the Dark Affiliation is something completely unrelated to torture” he said and Severus had to, once again, cover his surprise quickly. “I mean, I know a lot of wizards, who cast Dark Magic on the daily basis, of course, not torturing anyone. They are being shun out of the society for it, despite being good people. We tend to equate the Dark Magic torture and exposure with every Dark Affiliated wizards being evil.”

“Truer words have never been spoken” Nikolaus nodded at him. “You are a very smart young man.”

“Thank you, sir” Harry smiled at him brightly.

“Nikolaus, really, Jacques.” And Harry nodded and smiled again.

They made their way to the banquet and Nikolaus and Severus left them to grab some drinks.

As soon as they left, Adele started questioning Harry about his day.

“It was brilliant” Harry said with quite a large dose of exuberance. “Severus took me to Louvre. I really loved it. Admittedly, I have quite a passion for arts. I am pretty sure, if he did not drag me out, I would stay there forever.”

“I am sure you would” Adele said chuckling at his obvious joy, but then her eyes changed, getting dangerously cold, as she looked at something above Harry’s shoulder.

Harry turned and saw a man making his way towards them through the crowd. He was handsome blond wizard with light brown eyes and pale complexion. He seemed to be in his late twenties, or maybe early thirties, but with wizards’ increased lifespans it was always difficult to tell exactly.

“Who’s that?” he asked.

“That is the bastard ex-boyfriend of Severus, who stole his research regarding some advanced potions and dumped him afterwards, only to release the research as his own.”

Harry’s jaw tightened. If there was one thing, he could not abide, it was betrayal.

“Madam Grindelwald” the man approached them.

“Master Courire” she nodded coldly, even as the man turned towards Harry.

“Allow me to introduce myself” he said with a light bow. “My name is Master Marteen Courire, at your pleasure. And you are?”

“Jacques Alexander Orwell” Harry answered calmly.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I have never seen you at the Congress before” he said with a charming smile, that Harry immediately recognized as fake. Though life thought him to spot a phony in an instant.

“It’s my first time here, Master Courire.”

“Please, call me Marteen, Jacques. Are you a Potion Master or an apprentice then?”

“No, I am here as a guest. And I would prefer to be called Mister Orwell, if you don’t mind” he explained calmly.

“Of course, I apologize. It is not always, I see such a handsome, new face at one of our gatherings. And whose guest might you be?” the charming smile never flattered. Harry was absolutely positive that the man was perfectly aware exactly whose guest he was.

“He is here with me, Marteen” Severus’ cold voice spoke from behind Courire, before Harry had a chance to retort.

“Oh, Severus” Marteen turned slightly as the Snape and Grindelwald approached them with drinks in their hands. “Fancy seeing you here. I thought the Dark Lord of yours would prevent you from coming” he said with the same fake smile.

In a split second, Harry has made a decision. He slid next to Severus and took a glass of wine from his hand.

“Thank you, Severus” he said, kissing the taller man lightly on his cheek, and intervening their hands.

“I was just going to ask Jacques” Marteen obviously ignored Harry’s request. “to accompany me to a concert tomorrow after the conference” he said completely ignoring the kiss.

Harry looked at the guy disbelievingly.

“I am sure you and I would have a lot of fun together. It is a British band, quite popular with the people in their early twenties, such as yourself.”

Just for a second, Harry seriously contemplated blasting the guy with one of the spells he learned on Nocturne or perhaps using one of his knives from the wrist holders to mess up his pretty face, but thought better of it. It wouldn’t do to land the bastard in the hospital.

“Unfortunately, Severus and I have plans. Sorry, _Master Courire_ ” he said instead.

“Perhaps another time?” the guy was unrepentant.

“When hell freezes over and Voldemort proposes marriage to me” Harry muttered under his breath quietly, but as Severus squeezed his hand lightly, it was obviously not quiet enough. “Sorry, but my plans with Severus are _very_ long term” he said aloud matching perfectly Courire’s smile.

“Well, your loss” Courire said through his teeth and left.

“I sincerely doubt that” Harry muttered again, this time louder, and turned to Severus “Merlin, what a phony. I seriously have no idea how you managed to get involved with _that_. My hands were itching to blast him through the wall.”

He couldn’t read Severus’ expression, but Nikolaus laughed out loud, slapping him on his back.

“None of us actually do” Grindelwald said. “You handled it perfectly, Jacques. I was kind of w when I saw Severus with a younger man again, but I can see that I needn’t be concerned.”

“Youthful mistake” Snape said with distaste in his voice. “We all make them.”

The rest of the night went much more pleasantly. Harry was introduced to a bunch of well-established Potion Masters, and thankfully none of them resembled even closely Marteen Courire. He managed to hold a conversation quite easily, surprisingly fitting very well with the crowd, hanging on Severus’ arm, despite the fact that his professor was mindful not to give him any alcohol after his third glass of wine. Several Potion Masters had even made him promise to come back next year.

Finally, they retired to their room for the night.

“You were really good out there” Severus said.

“Yeah, I had a lot of practice with fitting in just about anywhere. They are not that different” Harry said. “A bit more posh, perhaps. But when you live like me, you learn to lie and instantly adjust to the surroundings” he shrugged, turning away from Snape.

Severus grabbed his hand and pulled him lightly until they were facing each other.

“I am deeply sorry that you had to go through that. I promise you that once this is over, you will never have to.”

“Don’t make promises you cannot keep, Severus” Harry smiled sadly.

“I assure you, I can and will keep this one. No child should be treated as you were.”

“Or you.”

“Yes” Severus agreed.

“I am not a child anymore. I haven’t been a child for a long time.”

“No, you are not a child. And I should have seen it sooner. My hate for you father has blinded me for way too long. For that, for the way I treated you in my class, I apologize. I should never have let my personal feelings interfere in my work.”

Harry chuckled, but there was little humor in his laughed.

“I wasn’t treated that much worse than any other Gryffindor.”

“Untrue. I singled you out the very first day. I hope one day you can forgive me for that.”

“I wasn’t exactly a model student either.”

Severus’ expression turned gentle.

“You only fought back, I instigated the whole feud. I didn’t have to. Even with the whole spying on the Dark Lord, I could have simply said that Dumbledore was making me behave.”

“You are forgiven” Harry said. “I ain’t gonna be ma’ at ya.”

“You really should not talk in the street slang.” Severus said in the same tone he used for correcting students.

“Can’t help who I am” Harry shrugged. “I revert to the slang all the time when I am not at Hogwarts.”

Severus shook his head frustrated and Harry decided it was time to change the subject.

“Fine, I will speak like a posh brat, but, really, Master Marteen Courire?” he teased. “I really thought you had better taste. It took me all five seconds to see he was a bloody fake bastard.” Severus glared at him. “I mean really, he’s just as fake as Umbrige. All phony smiles and superficial charm.”

“Potter...” Severus said warningly.

“Oh, no, honey” Harry chuckled and Severus was actually relieved to see mischief in the younger man’s eyes. He was really worried about the man. Maybe this taste of freedom was exactly what Potter needed to erase that defeated look from his face. He was obviously enjoying himself during the opening ceremonies and banquet. “I will hold it over you head till death do us part” Harry started tugging at his tie.

“Stop that” Severus ordered and took the tie from Harry’s hands. “You will destroy the fine silk if you keep doing that. Besides, I prefer the old vows. To the gates of death and beyond” he said.

Harry’s eyes widened.

“Did you just make a joke?” he asked.

“I am perfectly capable of humor” Severus stated flatly.

“No one would ever believe me” Harry said and Severus’ hands on his tie flattered. “I didn’t mean about that phony downstairs, Severus” he quickly corrected himself. “I would never tell anyone. I was just kidding around.”

“I know you wouldn’t” Severus untied Harry’s tie. He was slowly making some progress with Potter. Unfortunately, in order to get the boy to trust him and open up to him, he would have to bare his own soul. However, he was quickly becoming confident that it wasn't the worst that could happen. He never told anyone about the majority of his life. But it seemed that he and Potter shared a lot in that regard. Not just growing up with terrible guardians, but also the war, the nightmares. He probably did bad things as well during in his time, perhaps not as terrible as Severus when he was a Death Eater, but Snape recognized the knife wounds on his hands. No, Harry Potter would not betray his confidence. The younger man also saw the similarities, the connections, so easily drawn between them. If Severus could trust anyone in the entire world, it would be someone like Potter. Someone, who walked the very same path he had once trodden. A silent agreement that would not be broken by either party. That was, after all, the streets' code. _Honor among the thieves_.

"I didn't know you were a Lord, though" Harry commented lightly.

"So are you actually. Or at least you will be after you turn 17. Lord Potter and Lord Black, I assume."

Harry didn't answer him. He still hadn't dealt with Sirius' death. Later, when they were laying in bed, Harry could feel that Snape was not asleep.

“I dreamed of it, you know” he said.

“Of what?” Severus asked.

“You know. Someone coming and taking me away from King’s Cross. But I long since decided that those dreams were just stupid fantasies of a child. Nothing good ever happens to kids like me.”

“You did get away” Severus said carefully. “To Hogwarts.”

“Yeah, right” Harry muttered sarcastically. “To Hogwarts. To being a Golden Boy one minute, crazy attention-seeker the next. And let’s not forget the serial-killing madman out to get me. All I ever wanted is to be Harry.”

Severus gently took his hand, slowly messaging it with his thumb.

“I know. I know.”

There was a minute or two of silence.

“Thank you, Harry.”

“For what?” the man asked puzzled.

“For how you handled Marteen.”

Harry squeezed Severus’ hand.

“You are a thousands times better than that phony. I enjoyed showing him that.”

 


	7. G is for Guilt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, there is another update. A bit slower than I expected, but hopefully the next one will be posted soon.
> 
> I would like to thank everyone for kudos and comments and I hope you will enjoy this chapter.
> 
> Best,  
> Lolly

_(in which everybody is guilty of something, there are misunderstandings and the words are spoken in anger and hurt, and then Severus makes some progress and some beginning of a mutual understanding is achieved)_

Harry woke up early from a nightmare and went rigid. He was warm and someone’s arm was around his waist. He pried his eyes opened very slowly and saw his potion’s professor laying next to him. The memories swarmed his mind and he sighed lightly. Thankfully, he did not scream his lungs out this time.

Slowly, so he wouldn’t wake his professor, Harry slid out of bed. The clock on the wall was showing barely ten minutes past six o’clock, but Harry knew he would never be able to go back to sleep.

He grabbed some sweatpants and long-sleeved shirt, Snape bought for him. With so much time on his hands, he might as well go and find a gym in the building. He was absolutely sure that the hotel would provide such facilities. It was way too luxurious to be missing them.

Once he was dressed, he ventured out of a room. He asked a passing staff member for directions in his quite passable French and quickly located a large gym. He stood for a moment, comparing the various tools to the ones they had at the Quidditch gym at Hogwarts. It was way, way better.

He stretched for a while and then stood on a magical equivalent of a treadmill. Running always made him feel calmer, allowed him to clear his mind and manage his thoughts better. Besides, he could not afford to lose any mussels or speed. More often than not, they were the only thing that kept him from dying.

The treadmill started moving and Harry broke into a slow jog. He had a lot to think about. Most importantly, Severus Snape. The first person ever to help him. At least besides Mike. And Mike’s help was… Well, Mike couldn’t even help himself, could he?

Harry had always thought that Severus Snape was a bastard, an asshole and he possibly entertained the idea of murdering him on more than one occasion. Now, he wasn’t so sure. Snape had intruded on his pathetic excuse of life and screwed it up completely in just a few days. Taking him away, invading his privacy, intruding on his deepest, darkest secrets. On the other hand, Harry had felt kinship with the man. They were so similar. Much more than Harry and Tom Riddle had ever been. They shared the same origin, similar past. Possibly even similar values. Both abused by those who should have been their protectors, both working in magical docks, both went through fire to become who they were, both fought against Tom Riddle. Even if their paths differed in some aspects, Harry understood why Snape would join Voldemort. He understood it all too well for his comfort. Hatred was easy when you were degraded and beaten to the level Snape’s scars indicated, to the level Harry himself was.

And then, there was an issue of the promise. Snape, Severus, Harry supposed, had given his word that Harry would never return to the Dursleys. He hadn’t believe him the night before, Dumbledore would never allow it. The wards on the Dursleys’ house were too important, but perhaps it wasn’t outside of the realm of possibility. After all, if he and Severus spun the story just the right way, Dumbledore could be persuaded. Living at the King’s Cross probably was not in the old meddling headmaster’s mind, when he had sent him year after year to his relatives.

And Snape probably would have to tell Dumbledore why Harry was with him, pretending to be his lover… partner, at the Potion Masters’ convention. It did not make Harry happy, but there didn’t seem to be a way around it. For all his dislike of his professor, he knew that Snape had put his life on a line, when he took Harry with him. Any evidence of improper behaviour on his part could result in him being fired or possibly jailed. The imbalance of power, Severus’ past, the fact that Harry wasn’t even sixteen yet. One more week and at least Harry would be above the age of consent in France, which would go a long way of getting Snape out of any potential trouble, but in Britain it was a different story. The age of consent was seventeen and it would be a full year before Harry reached that. The potential fall-out from the mess might have been disastrous for the man, and yet he took Harry with him, and cared enough to buy him clothes, set up the whole story. He could have left him at King’s Cross or just disillusion Harry and keep him locked in the hotel room for the entire two weeks. There were other solutions that were safer for Snape, while being more humiliating for Harry. Severus cared enough to make it as painless for him as possible. That was much more than anyone had ever done for Harry. Even Mike would abandoned him at times just to score drugs.

Besides, for the last two days, he found out that Snape was just a man, not a bastard he was in a potion classroom. One with past, achievements, mistakes and regrets, just as human as anyone else. And apparently an asshole ex-lover.

“Mister Orwell, hello again” Marteen Courire stood in front of him, leering. “How are you today?”

“Great, thanks” Harry muttered coldly. The whole run became much less appealing at the sight of the phony. Harry knew fake from a mile away. If he came across that guy in a dark alley, he would happily stick a knife in some very painful spot to teach this guy a lesson, a thigh perhaps. He had never killed anyone, but he fought his fair share. The magical docks and King’s Cross weren’t kind to those who could not fight or bend over. Mike would never allow him to prostitute himself, so fighting was the only option for Harry. He prided himself for being rather good at it.

“Might I interest you in joining me for some weights?” the man asked.

“No, I am done. Severus is expecting me” he answered, getting off the magical treadmill.

He got back to their rooms only to discover a half-dressed, very frantic Severus Snape.

“Where the hell have you been?!” he shouted as soon as the door behind Harry closed.

“At the gym, obviously” Harry answered coldly. “Pestered by your bloody ex-boyfriend.”

“Are you fucking insane?! Are you not aware of the Dark Lord and the Death Eaters?! Do you want to get murdered?” he snapped at the boy.

“Oh, fuck off” snarled Harry. “I just went downstairs to exercise a bit for Merlin’s sake! I didn’t leave the hotel at all!”

“And you couldn’t inform me before leaving?”

“You were sleeping! And if we are to maintain this blasted fiction of being in a relationship, I cannot look like your slave, not being able to go anywhere!”

Severus knew that Potter was partially right, but on the other hand he could have easily avoided getting him all worked up about his disappearance.

“Doesn’t mean you shouldn’t tell me where the hell you go! We may need to separate occasionally to keep up appearances, but you still have to inform me. I am only trying to protect you, you stupid boy!”

“I am perfectly capable of protecting myself! I told you that already! Ya ain’t my da’ or my keeper!”

“Speak like a human being, not a street rat, you imbecile. Do you know what could happen to you if someone catches wind of just who you are? It’s not just you at the stake, it’s everyone at this hotel! The Death Eaters don’t care who they kill. You should know that after last June.”

Harry’s face went white.

“I was careful, alright! And I know all too well that you and your old buddies do to people” he snarled at Snape, fury almost blinding him momentarily.

The accusation in his voice was all too clear. Severus very conscientiously stopped himself from outright killing the brat there and then. He breathed in and out. Potter was used to being on his own and taking care of himself. He was not used to other people caring about where he was or what he was doing. Just like Severus once upon the time. And the Potion Master knew his words hit Potter below the belt. He was well-aware that the young man did not deal with Black’s death in the Department of Mysteries incident.

“Take a shower” he said. “Just do it fast. We need to talk before breakfast.”

Harry, who was preparing for the strike, shook his head. The even, calm words snapped him out of his rage and he deflated. All the anger evaporating instantly, leaving him completely empty.

Snape visibly kept himself from escalating the conflict further. Harry felt almost physically slapped. He walked past his professor into the bathroom without a word.

Turning the cold water on, he stepped into the shower.

Sirius. Snape brought up his dead godfather. Dead because of him. Because of his inability to handle his own emotions when it came to his Potion Master. And handling his emotions was something Harry always prided himself for. Severus Snape was the only one, who could ever get to him. The only person who could inspire passion inside him, apart from his blasted family. Even if he stopped hating him some time ago, Severus Snape was the only one who with a few well-chosen words could inspire endless rage within him.

He hit the wall of the shower with his fist. He was the reason his godfather was dead. He knew it. He didn’t love Sirius, although he did like him. The man was amusing, in spite of the years in Azkaban, and on occasion able to lift Harry’s spirit. But they barely knew each other.

And yet, after his death, Harry felt… worse than ever. Before that there was still something within him, some hope that one day they could all be free. Afterwards, there was only guilt. Guilt for killing the man, and more importantly, guilt that he couldn’t grieve for him properly. Not like he grieved for Mike.

He was, of course, saddened by Sirius’ demise, but with Mike, he was shattered. There was no such feelings after Bellatrix had sent Black through the Veil. Immediately after, he felt fury, righteous anger that allowed him to hold her under Cruciatus for few short seconds. But later, when he took it in, there was only emptiness and guilt. He couldn’t grieve, he couldn’t even shed a proper tear for the man. With Mike, he cried himself to sleep for weeks.

The train of thought was interrupted by a soft knock on the door.

“I am coming” he said. It took him just a few minutes to dress and get out of the bathroom. Snape was sitting on the bed. When Harry reemerged, he looked up at him. The young man sighed and sat down next to him.

“Fucking disaster, ain’t we?” he quipped.

“Apt description, indeed. Look, Jacques, I apologize for mentioning Black, but...”

Harry just waved him off.

“It’s fine, which probably is the problem. I didn’t mean to make you worried, you know? I just figured that you could use some sleep with the nightmares. I am not used to having anyone care about, you know...”

“About you?”

“Yeah, I guess. I mean literally everyone cares about Harry Potter. The Dark Lord cares about the prophecy. Albus Dumbledore and the Order of the Phoenix care about me killing the Dark Lord. Kids at school care about famous Boy Who Lived. No one bloody cares about Harry, the boy who lives at King’s Cross train station, because his family doesn’t like him. Not even Sirius Black. He cared about James Potter’s son, perfect Gryffindor hero, star Quidditch seeker. But that guy ain’t here. He never was here. So, yeah, I feel guilty that he is dead, but I cannot bring myself to grieve for him. He didn’t know me. We met, what? Three times, four times. He was just some guy who knew my parents, ok? And I do feel guilty about not grieving for him, but I can’t help it.”

Severus nodded lightly.

“And I don’t think you are like other Death Eaters, or that they are your buddies. It’s just… you have this unique ability to piss me off. Nobody else does. You set me off like crazy. I have no bloody idea why.”

“The feeling is mutual” Severus muttered ironically. “Potter… Harry… I know that you aren’t used to all this. Probably, even me knowing about your life is a huge part why you are lashing out. And I do understand. We are both unused to having to deal with another person being so close, seeing us for what we are. Unfortunately, we are going to have to deal with it as best we can. I am not going to tell you that you cannot go to the gym, but you have to tell me that you are going, so that I don’t have to launch a search party. Our cover is the only thing right now that protects us. I have no way of contacting Albus without a considerable risk of my message being intercepted. After this congress, you can safely go back to hating me, but for now, we are partners in this. In surviving this whole ordeal.”

“I know” Harry nodded. He did know and he felt shame for not thinking before. A blush stained his cheeks and he looked at his hands. “And I don’t hate you. I haven’t since I discovered you were a spy. In my fifth year I saw what the Dark Lord did to you. How he tortured you...” he admitted, not finishing the thought when Severus froze next to him. “I didn’t tell anyone, I promise” he added quickly and his professor relaxed a little. “It ain’t possible to hate you, when I saw what you sacrificed for me and everyone else. I kinda admire you. I don’t think I would be able to lie through my teeth to the Dark Lord like you and be tortured and kiss his robes… It was the bravest thing I ever saw” he finished quietly.

“Thank you” Severus acknowledge the compliment. “Never thought I would hear that from a Gryffindor, but please do refrain form using “ain’t” and “kinda”, while in my presence" Severus admonished him, swiftly changing the subject.

Harry chuckled, accepting that Snape would not talk about his time as a Death Eater.

“Why are you so _adamant_ about me using a proper the proper wording?”

“It’s the professor in me. I cannot abide idiocy and _proper wording,_ as you said, distinguishes the well-educated from the empty-headed masses. Like your friend, Mister Weasley” Severus lips curled disapprovingly. “Now that I know you are capable of learning, at least according to Adele, you will behave and speak accordingly.”

“Ron is a great friend!” Harry defended the boy.

“I never said he was not. I merely implied that he was uncouth and illiterate.”

“I guess there is a bit of truth to that” Harry shrugged. “Still, he was always backing me. Well, almost always. He gets jealous sometimes, though I am quite positive that if he knew everything, he would never want my place.”

“Probably not” Severus agreed. “And, Harry, you do not have to feel guilty about not grieving for Black. Or for his death. We all made a lot of mistakes in regards to you. Dumbledore should have checked on you more. And probably, he should have never left you with Petunia in the first place. And I, and many others, should have recognized the signs. They were all there and they are obvious, now that I think of it. Your inability to ask for any adult help, your thinness, always staying at Hogwarts for Christmas or going to the Weasleys. We should have known, and we should have worked with you so that you could gain some trust in adults. You do not bear the blame, despite who you are, you are not supposed to act like an adult.”

“Well, I had little choice.”

“I know. You are not the first, nor the last, but the responsibility lies with us. We should have protected you.”

“You tried” Harry reminded him. “With Occlumency” he averted his eyes in shame.

“Not hard enough.”

“I did fuck up pretty badly” Harry muttered. “Invading your privacy like that…”

“You did” Snape agreed. “But I left it out in the open.”

“I am sorry though. For me and… for my father.”

Severus nodded.

“It does not matter anymore. I understand you better now.”

“Still feel guilty” Harry muttered. “But I have never told anyone about that either.”

“I appreciate it. And trust me, I feel just as guilty. I haven’t really thought you all that well. Albus should have never paired us together. Trust is an essential part of learning Occlumency and neither of us trusted each other very much.”

“Better you than Dumbledore. I don’t know if I could ever live through him going through… you know, stuff.”

“Headmaster, not Dumbledore” Severus corrected. “And perhaps, once we are back at Hogwarts, I might try to teach you again, if you are agreeable.”

“Really?” Harry asked hopefully.

“Don’t act like an idiot and I might just agree to teach you again.”

Harry smiled at the older man lightly.

“So, I am forgiven, yes?”

“Yes, Potter, you are” Severus sighed. The boy would be the death of him. “Now, come on. We loitered around long enough. I will order room service.”

The breakfast was delicious, but Severus was barely noticing. He finally managed to make some progress. Who would have thought that there was more to Potter than met the eye. The young man was full of surprises. So similar to himself, and yet so different. In spite of everything, Harry Potter still at some level believed in people. Even him, his hated Potion Master. At his age, Severus was a bitter, angry teenager, full of hatred towards the world, muggles, his family, his teachers. Everyone really. So similar circumstances Potter had suffered, and yet he retained some semblance of goodness in his heart, of responsibility for others, the whole savior complex. Begrudgingly, Severus was impressed.

“So, what’s the agenda for today?” Potter’s voice broke through his thoughts.

“Today is going to be rather boring. The entire day is dedicated to the newest Potion Master’s. The people who received their masteries yesterday will be presenting their research.”

“I thought you had to present your research before you get awarded a mastery.”

“In front of a commission of three to five established Potion Masters who grade your work, but you still present your work in front of everybody else, as well. It’s more about the prestige than anything else. Don’t worry, you won’t have to stay for the day. Adele will probably drag you with her for shopping. Which reminds me...” Severus stood up and took out a pouch from his luggage. “Here, take this. It is connected to my bank account.”

“I can’t take this. You already paid for all my clothes” Harry shook his head.

“Just take it, Potter. You need money to go shopping with Adele, and you would never be able to spend all the money that I have.”

Harry shook his head stubbornly again.

“You can give me the money back later, Jacques, when you inherit the Potter’s and Black’s fortunes. Besides, as I said, I have way more than both you and I could ever spend.”

Harry nodded finally and accepted the money.


	8. H is for Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am back after a while. Hopefully, to finish this story and some others.
> 
> I have the ending in mind and thankfully, my writing block seems to be over.
> 
> Best,  
> L

_(in which some things are said about Severus' past, some more shopping is done, Harry spills his worries out to his preteneded partner and Severus promises his future help)_

Apparently, the morning slots during the conference were reserved for small group presentation, therefore there was no real point for Harry to stick around. Immediately after breakfast, Adele whisked him away to the shopping district, pronouncing that Severus and Nikolaus needed to focus on their work. Harry really did not want to go. After the row in the morning, all he wanted to do was to curl up under the covers and not move.

The entire situation was weighing down on him. Severus’, Snape’s, fury in the morning reminded him about the war playing out back in Great Britain. His mind ventured back to the end of last year, when Snape was discovered to be a spy. Voldemort, ecstatic about finding him out, had pulled Harry into his mind to show him the torture.

_“Ssseverusss, my unfaithful friend. You will die tonight.”_ The snake face was hovering above bloodied man.

_“It’s better to die free than to live on your knees.”_ Snape spat in Voldemort’s face.

He had to forcibly ground himself back in the presence. Admittedly, Snape had guts. Possibly, more than any Gryffindor Harry ever met. To spat in the face of death. Especially, when death’s face was one of Voldemort’s.

Nevertheless, he realized that pretending to be Jacques Orwell could not last beyond the conference. What would happen afterwards? They had to go back to Hogwarts, but would Dumbledore send him back to the Dursley’s? Probably not, seeing as he would just end up back homeless. No, Snape would not agree to that. Roaming around free was extremely dangerous for him right now. The Death Eaters could find him and kill him and that probably would not fit Dumbledore’s plans.

He had no illusion that he was only being groomed for fighting in the war and nothing else. Sure, Ron and Hermione liked him, but the adults only cared about his usefulness for the upcoming fight. If they cared about anything else, he would never be left with the Dursley’s. Now, that Snape was aware of his life, they would have to come up with another living arrangements. And, although, he was happy that he would not have to sleep on the streets, he would also be losing freedom that came with it. At least until Voldemort was defeated.

For the first time in his life, he would have adult supervision. Being Jacques, though, it was fun. He had nice clothes, he wasn’t being hurt, and he was just another guy from the crowd. Not Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived, the Child Saviour. Even pretending to be Snape’s partner wasn’t too bad. The elaborate game was challenging and exciting, even if he did feel a bit guilty about lying to the Grindelwalds. Adele and Nikolaus were very nice to him.

“You seem rather pensive today” Adele remarked as she pulled out a shirt and hold it against his chest. “This one looks good.”

“I was just thinking about the situation back home” Harry muttered.

“Ah, the war” she nodded slightly. “So, you are aware of Severus’... role, so to speak” she said as she dragged him towards the changing rooms.

“Yes” Harry nodded slightly looking into a distance. “Intimately aware.”

“Change up.” Adele said, handing him the shirts she chose from the store. “Is that how you met? Are you also working against the...” her voice trailed off.

“Yes, I have been working against them for a while now. I have known since the beginning the role Severus used to play, before he was… discovered.”

“Tortured from what I hear” she muttered quietly.

Harry nodded tensely, as he started to unbutton his shirt and turned around. Adele turned around.

“It was… pretty bad” he admitted. “I have no clue how he managed to escape, but the guy was pretty pissed. Killed seven people within 24 hours, including one of his own.”

“Didn’t he tell you?”

“I know enough” Harry said and turned towards her. Adele looked him in the eyes.

“Severus is an intensely private person. He… had a rough childhood and even tougher life than that.” Harry nodded. “Something I can see you both share” Adele turned to face him and looked pointedly towards a scar that was visible on his chest. He quickly finished buttoning up the shirt and dropped his eyes.

“I apologize. I shouldn’t have said anything, but I saw that day when I walked in to wake you up.”

“It’s alright. Life’s tough, but you make it your own. You know. I survived.”

“I am glad. You are a good man, Jacques. To see through the walls Severus had built around himself. I remember him when he was a lanky seventeen year old. Extremely smart, but also neglected and very closed off. Nikolaus took him as his apprentice. He took two years to finish the apprenticeship. Never had I seen someone so brilliant in my life. Unfortunately, then he went back to England and fell in back with his old crowd from Hogwarts.” Adele’s voice was full of regret. “

Yeah, but he had made his amends for that” Harry interrupted. “He is a very brave man. Braver than most to be spying on Him.”

“Yes, he did. And he has you, now. A very handsome young man” she smiled, straightening out his shirt and handing him a jacket. “One, who perhaps understands more than even Niko and I.”

“Yeah, he has me” he muttered lightly.

“Well, what do you think? I think that green shirt is perfect. It complements your eyes perfectly. You look very pretty.”

Harry blushed darkly. After that, the conversation turned exclusively to the clothes and trinkets, as Adele was dragging him through a number of shops. It was pleasantly normal, even if the money he was spending was Snape’s.

They returned to the hotel for lunch. Severus and Nikolaus were sitting in a bar, drinking whisky.

“Hey, Sev” Harry said, kissing him lightly on the cheek. He really got into the whole pretending thing.

“Jacques” Snape slipped his arm around Harry’s waist.

“I see you survived Adele’s shopping nightmare.”

“Hey!” Adele protested.

“It was a very pleasant morning” Harry responded lightly.

“You lie very convincingly” muttered Severus and he and Nikolaus both laughed.

“You are awful, Severus. I will get you back for that” Adele threatened, but her eyes were sparkling with mischief.

Harry grabbed two glasses of wine from a waiter and offered one to Adele.

“Thank you, dear. I will have you know that Harry and I had a really good time spending your money.”

“Never felt more like a trophy wife” Harry winked at Adele, causing her to laugh lightly.

“This one, Severus, is a keeper.”

“Don’t I know it” Severus studied Harry lightly. “Walk with me” he offered his arm to him and Harry took it. “You haven’t seen the gardens here yet. I am sure you will enjoy them.”

Snape was right. The gardens were absolutely magnificent. They were not modelled like a muggle garden, but more like a jungle with exotic plants that Harry never saw before. They seemed to go on for miles and Harry recognized magically enhanced space. Snape lead him along a path, turning a couple of times. Finally, they reached a small opening. In the clearing, there was a wonderfully detailed, renaissance fountain.

“Wow, it’s amazing.”

“I thought you might like it” admitted Snape.

Harry let go of his arm and knelt down next to the fountain. He touched it almost reverently and traced the sculptured marble.

“It’s original, sixteenth century” Snape said. “At the time, the building belonged to wealthy merchants. The merchants’ line was partially magical. Eventually, it passed on that part of the line. They shielded it from the muggles, as the Statue of Secrecy went into the effect in France. The last of them were murdered by the Grindelwald’s forces in the forties and the building was bought by Jean Baptist’s family after the war. They made it into the hotel.”

Harry did not respond, still fascinated by the fountain, but turned when Snape pulled out his wand and cast some spell.

“So, are you going to tell me what’s on your mind?” he asked.

Harry looked around.

“It’s a privacy spell. One I have created and kept to myself, so no counter measures should exist” he explained, sitting down on the fountain and lighting up a cigarette. Harry reached out for one and Severus handed it to him with a sigh.

“You shouldn’t smoke” he said.

“Neither should you” countered Harry, but his response lacked any fire.

“So, what’s the problem?”

“How do you know there is one?”

“I know you, Jacques. I have observed you for years. And, although, only now I understand some of the clues. But I do know you.”

“Yeah, I guess you do. Spying will do that for you, I guess” he paused for a moment. “I was just thinking about the war back home… You know, assuming we can pull this whole thing off… being here and convince everyone… What’s gonna happen afterwards? We go back and what? Dumbledore’s gonna ship me of to the Dursley’s again?”

“No, I would not allow it, regardless of our personal relationship.”

“Right, we can’t be in one place without having a row.”

“True” Snape admitted. “Although, we are pretty good at pretending.”

“Yeah, we are good at that.”

“We have failed you. All of us. We should have recognized the signs of abuse. I should have, for I know exactly what they look like. But we were all blinded by who you are. Some of us with hero-worship, me, with hatred towards your father.”

“It’s cool” Harry waved his hand dismissively.

“No, it’s not. I assume Albus will keep you at Hogwarts this year for the rest of the summer. There is a reason why I am here. Every year, during the summer Hogwarts’ wards are renewed. During that time, they are at the lowest point. That’s why students are usually not allowed to stay there. Their magic is too unstable, as they are not fully grown up wizards prone to accidental magic. Teenagers like yourself are often ruled by emotions and their magic responds. With the castle wards unstable as well, it would be an explosive combination. Also, if there is a war going on, it would be irresponsible to keep kids in the largely unprotected castle that is usually the target. I came to the conference by muggle means, as it would be dangerous for me to stay. I am too desirable of a target.”

“I know. I saw” admitted Harry.

“You saw?”

“Yeah, that day, when Voldemort figured out you betrayed him, because of alerting the Order about the Department of Mysteries debacle. He pulled me into his mind. I assume to show me your death” as the words poured out of his mouth, he felt Snape stiffen next to him. He grabbed his hand. “I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Dumbledore. By the time I managed to wake up from the dream, you were already back at Hogwarts.”

Snape relaxed a bit.

“You are probably the bravest man I know, you know. Spitting in his face like that.”

“A complement from a Gryffindor regarding my bravery - I should feel honored.” Harry laughed.

“They will put me in a safe house or something, aren’t they?”

“Probably” admitted Snape.

Harry stood up angrily.

“I hate it. They are grooming me for war, so that I can kill Voldemort for them. Nothing else matters to them. Not how many people die in the process. They want a hero, but no one is willing to do anything. They all leave it up to me, because of some bullshit prophecy. They want a teenager to murder someone for them, pissing in their pants to scared to face him themselves.”

“That’s not true. Dumbledore cares…”

“Bullshit! If he did care, he would not leave me at the Dursley’s, or at the very least, he would check up on me! You know that’s true.” Harry turned towards Snape with a challenge clear in his eyes and the man could not pretend.

“I cannot defend him on it, but he is just a man. He makes mistakes, and he believes in the power of love, however stupid that sounds. He believes that family will always take care of its own, despite many evidence to the contrary. He is powerful, but not omniscient. He is fallible, just like everybody else. And, he does care. Even, if sometimes it seems otherwise. The blood wards should have kept you safe. Unfortunately, not from your own family.”

“No. Not from my own family.” Harry repeated slowly, clasped his hands and looked down. “It hurts, though. A lot. I think you know. Adele said some stuff… About you. I don’t think I should go shopping with her anymore. Not if we want to keep any semblance of normal student-teacher relationship.”

“We have never had a normal student-teacher relationship” Snape said. “I know you will not spread rumors about me and my life. As for being hurt, yes, I do know.”

“True” Harry looked at the running water pensively, gathering his thoughts. Snape would not appreciate any sort of sympathy from him. “I like it here. I like being Jacques Orwell. It’s probably the best time of my life” he said suddenly. “Even if we fight all the time.”

Snape nodded slowly, but did not say anything.

“It’s the first time I am free to do stuff. That I don’t have to worry too much about stuff. That I can go out shopping and not be mobbed or attacked. I was reminded today that it cannot last. Regardless, of what happens. I will never have a normal life” he started pacing around. “Jacques Orwell can be whatever. Can do whatever. Can be gay partner of a potion master. Can go out and buy some stuff without attracting too much attention. Can move to Germany and study warding if he so pleases. If I manage to kill Voldemort that will never happen. Then, there will be expectations. I will never be left alone. They will want to see me marry Ginny or someone like that, have kids, be an auror. Now, they cannot publish my photos without the consent of my guardian, and good luck finding Dursley’s, because I am a minor. The moment I turn seventeen, my picture is going to be in every newspaper. Everywhere.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Potter. You are not that great.”

“I know. Trust me, I know. I am just a guy, but they see some blasted symbol. If I die, then I don’t care. But if by some stroke of luck I manage to kill Voldemort, they will put me on a pedestal that I will never manage to avoid. I remember what it was like that first day in Diagon Alley. Even now, if someone recognizes me, they look at me like a second coming of Christ. It’s ridiculous. They all see someone that I am not even close to being. I fight only because I have no choice and I am not ready to give up. It’s about survival. My survival and survival of my friends. But even they don’t really know me. Is it that selfish of me to want to be Jacques Orwell? Without the pressure and responsibilities of Harry Potter?” He looked at Snape once more.

“No, it’s not that selfish. You could just go. Take your money and leave. I am sure you could persuade Adele to take you on as an apprentice or something. Go to Germany and be Jacques Orwell” Snape said carefully. “That’s not the question you are asking though, is it?”

“No, it’s not” admitted Harry softly. “The real question is if I would be able to live with myself knowing I maybe could have done something to prevent death and destruction. They trust so much in this prophecy that they would probably give up if it wasn’t for me, wouldn’t they?”

“Probably” Snape agreed.

"I am jelous of you, you know." Harry changed the subject abruptly. "You are brilliant by your own merit, not something that you can barely remember and wasn't yours to begin with. You have guts, but not only that. You have Nikolaus and Adele. She... she wanted to make sure that I am good for you, today. That I would not hurt you, you know. She cares for you, a lot. Just you. I am bloody jelous of that. I feel a bit quilty about lying to them."

"Despite what you think you have people who care for you too. And if you open up to your friends, you might be surprised. And, I feel a bit quilty about lying to Adele and Niko as well, but we cannot tell them anything. Besides, I am sure Adele is coming to care for you as well. The cute face, standing up to Marteen like a true foolhardy Gryffindor and that charming demeanor of a poor, starved war orphan you have going for you."

"I may try that some time" Harry nodded distractedly, not paying attention to the backhanded compliment. 

“If someone told me that I would be having this discussion with you a week ago, Jacques, I would have them admitted to Saint Mungos, you know?” Harry laughed. If someone told him that, he would have probably done the same.

“I see we agree.”

“I hate this whole thing, you know.”

“I am beginning to understand, I admit.”

“You are the first one, I have ever told all that. I guess it is because you already know more than I ever wanted anyone to know. Besides, it’s easy. You may hate me, but at least you are honest. Never once had you lied to me. And you may be the only one who is capable of understanding.”

“I don’t hate you” said Snape. “I may have not liked you in the past, but I can admit that there is more to you than I have previously thought. As much as it pains me to admit it.”

“I am sure it’s very painful” Harry commented with a smirk.

“Like the worst Cruciatus from the Dark Lord.”

“Oh, my poor, broken heart. I don’t know how I will ever recover from this disappointment” his eyes bright with mischief.

“If it helps, Jacques. If you do kill the Dark Lord, you still can just disappear. Become Jacques Orwell. Built a new life.”

“Yeah, I guess” Harry sat back down next to Snape with a sigh.

“I would have to leave a lot though. I love my friends, even if I sometimes feel like we are years apart.”

“That’s probably because you are. You were forced to grow up fast. They had happy lives, families who took care of them. They do not, cannot understand the pain you carry. The hurt you have experienced. Because they had childhoods that you did not have.”

“Neither did you.”

“No. If you do kill Him, whatever you decide, you may come to me for help.”

Harry looked up in surprise at Snape. “Why would you do that?” he asked.

“As I said. We have failed you. I have. I… loved your mother.” Harry’s eyes grew even wider in horrific surprise. “Not like that, you moron. My preferences never run in that direction, but she was my first, and perhaps only friend. I made a promise to protect you with my life. For her. And, so far, I have been failing miserably in that task. If you want to change identity and start a new life, I will make it happen. For her… and for you. You deserve that chance. You have been hurt enough.”

They sat quietly for a while.

“We have to go” Severus finally said. “The conference starts again in a few minutes.” He stood up and held his hand out for Harry.

“Professor… Severus… thanks. For listening and...” he waved his hand “You know.”

“Don’t mention it. I am serious. If you ever mention it, nobody will ever find your body.”

Harry just laughed and took his hand.


End file.
